Hello Mike,

I was reading some of your email responses, and you were telling somebody, “Only then does He give us strength we did not have before though we sought it for many years and continued to blaspheme His name among the heathen, while we claim His name.”

This really hit home. I am that person right now in my life. This past summer, Christ began to draw me to Him in a far different path than I had ever experienced. For the first time in my life, I was living by the doctrine of Christ and no other doctrine. I had dominion over sin that I had struggled with for so long. Every day I had the power of Christ working in me and I didn’t live a single moment – rather, I was dying moment by moment. And the ironic thing is – these were very stressful months of my life, yet Christ gave me the ability to comfort others rather than whine about my own problems. It was a completely different life – a night and day change happened overnight and I thanked God every moment with singing.

Then something shifted – I sank into the deepest valley of my life – which I am still in. Rather than having dominion over sin, I feel I am worshiping sin. I have lost my love for the Truth. I have lost all happiness or contentedness. Death is a constant thought – I feel like I am going insane – deep depression that completely takes away all rationalism. My loneliness is kept hidden from my family, and I have no friends. I have become so ashamed of who I am that I can’t function in social settings. In my mind, I feel as if I am fully convinced that I am completely sin. In my mind, I have witnessed the beast within me, and yet I feel powerless to this beast. Because I am so convinced that I can do nothing, I do nothing. And here is my problem – my concern.

I have cried out to God in anger many times that he would keep me from spiritual rest for nearly six months now. I have cried out for understanding as to what God is doing. I desire change, and there is never change. I have gotten to the point where I see myself capable of far worse things. I have these thoughts and fears that I am turning into the kind of person we call our worst sinners in society. Do you understand? If this is God’s process of showing me how completely sinful I am, then that purpose is being achieved. So much so that I know I will never see myself the same again and that the only road left is Christ, I hope.

I don’t suppose I have any question. It was just important for me to share this. You talk many times on your website about the process of realizing our complete sinful nature. I just wanted to “submit” this as a testament to that process. I had no idea the depths of sin. Come to think of it, I can’t tell you how much it means to be able to write all of this to somebody. I come to your site and read your words, and they provide a wellspring in my heart – a moment of refreshment and Truth. The few times I have corresponded with you, I felt like I was speaking with a brother – one of the few people in this world that I could identify with. I feel like I am hearing your voice from afar, though.

N____

Good Morning N____,

I want you to know that I am and I will continue to be praying for you.

I think that you and I both know that what you are enduring at this time is not just a struggle with your flesh; it is rather nothing less than spiritual warfare. Here is what is right now taking place within you:

Rev 12:1 And there appeared a great wonder in heaven; a woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and upon her head a crown of twelve stars:
Rev 12:2 And she being with child cried, travailing in birth, and pained to be delivered.
Rev 12:3 And there appeared another wonder in heaven [in the mind and heart of you and me]; and behold a great red dragon, having seven heads and ten horns, and seven crowns upon his heads.
Rev 12:4 And his tail drew the third part of the stars of heaven, and did cast them to the earth: and the dragon stood before the woman which was ready to be delivered, for to devour her child as soon as it was born.
Rev 12:5 And she brought forth a man child, who was to rule all nations with a rod of iron: and her child was caught up unto God, and [to] his throne.

The fact that “his tail drew a third part of the stars of heaven” tells us that this is a process you are enduring. The number three in God’s word signifies a process. We are not completed in a moment. Even after we are finally brought out of the wilderness and given strength to fight the giants in our land, we still must “endure to the end.” Even in the ‘land of promise’ we find that it is yet in down payment and not in the fullness of the inheritance. The struggles against “powers and principalities” actually intensify after we come out of the wilderness. The Lord is still showing us where we are. He knows where we are, but we must yet come to see ourselves as He sees us. “Dying daily” continues right up to the day we die. This is a process, and it takes time just to come to the point that sin does not have dominion over us. I know what you are going through. I too, thought that I had dominion over sin, long before that was so.

Rest assured, that day does come, and only then have we entered into His rest. Only then have we come to see deeply that nothing we do is of ourselves:

Joh 15:5 I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.

Rom 6:13 Neither yield ye your members [as] instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members [as] instruments of righteousness unto God.
Rom 6:14 For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace.
Rom 6:15 What then? shall we sin, because we are not under the law, but under grace? God forbid.
Rom 6:16 Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness?
Rom 6:17 But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you.
Rom 6:18 Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness.
Rom 6:19 I speak after the manner of men because of the infirmity of your flesh: for as ye have yielded your members servants to uncleanness and to iniquity unto iniquity; even so now yield your members servants to righteousness unto holiness.
Rom 6:20 For when ye were the servants of sin, ye were free from righteousness.
Rom 6:21 What fruit had ye then in those things whereof ye are now ashamed? for the end of those things [is] death.
Rom 6:22 But now being made free from sin, and become servants to God, ye have your fruit unto holiness, and the end everlasting life.

“Free from sin” is the power and dominion over sin. It is the power to say ‘no’ to Potiphar’s wife and to the captain of the prison, who only yesterday were your masters. But this, too, is a process.

Mat 10:22 And ye shall be hated of all [men] for my name’s sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved.

Luk 21:19 In your patience possess ye your souls.

Notice the comparison of this great red dragon with the beast which is in us all:

Rev 13:1 And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy.

Both have seven heads and ten horns. What this tells us is that we are completely (7) given to the desires of the flesh (10 – see the series of studies on Numbers in Scripture). Every one of our seven heads is given power to resist the law of Christ by our ten horns. But look at who, at this time, empowers our flesh:

Rev 13:2 And the beast which I saw was like unto a leopard, and his feet were as [the feet] of a bear, and his mouth as the mouth of a lion: and the dragon gave him his power, and his seat [Greek: thronos, throne], and great authority.

So the truth of this verse is confirmed in us.

Eph 6:10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.
Eph 6:11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
Eph 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high [places].

This struggle is within us all. This “spiritual wickedness” is in the heavens of you and me. It was all ordained from “before the foundation of the world.”

Eph 1:4 According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:

“The Christ” of Christ are all “in Him.” As such they partake of all of His sufferings:

1Pe 1:18 Forasmuch as ye know that ye were not redeemed with corruptible things, [ as] silver and gold, from your vain conversation [ received] by tradition from your fathers;
1Pe 1:19 But with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot:
1Pe 1:20 Who verily was foreordained before the foundation of the world, but was manifest in these last times for you,

Col 1:24 Now, am I rejoicing in the sufferings on your behalf, and am filling up the things that lack of the tribulations of the Christ, in my flesh, in behalf of his body, which is the assembly,

Both Peter and Paul had, in their own way, denied Christ and had placed stripes upon Him. Both had an appreciation of what He had done for them. We, too, have denied our Lord, and we, too, must come to appreciate what He has done and is doing for us.

It was for us that “the things in the heavens themselves” had to be cleansed with better things then the blood of calves and goats:

Heb 9:23 It was therefore necessary that the patterns of things in the heavens should be purified with these; but the heavenly things themselves [the hearts and minds of His elect] with better sacrifices than these.

“In Him… For you!” Here is what He can and will do “in Him, and for you:”

Php 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

I want you to remind yourself of the Truth of that verse all day every day. You really are a conqueror of your flesh and spirit “through Christ.” Any evil spirit which tries to convince you otherwise is a liar. I will close with Paul’s advice to us all after reminding us that we wrestle not with flesh and blood but with spiritual wickedness in our heavens:

Eph 6:13; Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
Eph 6:14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
Eph 6:15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
Eph 6:16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
Eph 6:17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:
Eph 6:18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

I am praying with and for you. “You can do all things through Christ.”

Mike