Dear Mike,

I am becoming angry at the fact that no matter how many times I pray to the LORD to convert me and make me His follower, I experience absolutely no change in my mind and heart whatsoever. I continue to sin and do things I should not. I continue to blame others for the way my life has gone. I continue to feel depression and constant doubt that anything in my life will ever improve. I resent men who have wives and families and good jobs. People tell me that all I need to do is “ask Jesus into my life”, but when I try to tell them that I have done that a hundred times and nothing has changed, they always tell me that all I need to do is just “trust and accept Him”, as if they didn’t even hear what I said the first time. I am tired of living this sinful and unhappy existence, and it kills me inside that there is nothing I can do to change. I am furious at these people who believe this “Sinner’s Prayer” nonsense and tell me that I MUST attend a church in order to find “fellowship” (even though they ALL believe in doctrines that are RUBBISH). I am at my wits’ end.
Thank you for your time, Sir,

B____

Hi B____,

I know you have been reading iswasandwillbe. com for quite a while now, so you know I am not going to waste your time telling you to just ask Jesus to come into your life and everything will be just fine. That certainly borders on being the exact opposite to what He said:

Mat 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Mat 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Mat 10:36 And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household.
Mat 10:37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
Mat 10:38 And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.
Mat 10:39 He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.

From what you tell me you do not have a lot of peace on the earth, and if you don’t even believe in the ten second sinner’s prayer, then your foes are very likely those of your own spiritual household if not also your own physical household.
If we are at peace with this world and in our own household, then we are not going to ever feel any inclination to repent of anything. After all, we are paying our tithes, going to church and fitting in with the world around us. That was Job before God took down the hedge which He has also around us all for a time, before He sends Satan to try our faith and to show us just how ungodly and God condemning we really are. Job was certainly at his “wits’ end”.

Job 3:1 After this opened Job his mouth, and cursed his day.
Job 3:2 And Job spake, and said,
Job 3:3 Let the day perish wherein I was born, and the night in which it was said, There is a man child conceived.
Job 3:4 Let that day be darkness; let not God regard it from above, neither let the light shine upon it.
Job 3:5 Let darkness and the shadow of death stain it; let a cloud dwell upon it; let the blackness of the day terrify it.
Job 3:6 As for that night, let darkness seize upon it; let it not be joined unto the days of the year, let it not come into the number of the months.
Job 3:7 Lo, let that night be solitary, let no joyful voice come therein.
Job 3:8 Let them curse it that curse the day, who are ready to raise up their mourning.

Without realizing it, Job was condemning God for ever creating him because he could not understand why God was doing this to him.

Job 13:24 Wherefore hidest thou thy face, and holdest me for thine enemy?

So God revealed to Job that he was not above contending with, reproving, and even condemning his own Creator, and that without this incredible, fiery trial, he could not come to see what is within himself.

Job 40:1 Moreover the LORD answered Job, and said,
Job 40:2 Shall he that contendeth with the Almighty instruct him? he that reproveth God, let him answer it.
Job 40:3 Then Job answered the LORD, and said,
Job 40:4 Behold, I am vile; what shall I answer thee? I will lay mine hand upon my mouth.
Job 40:5 Once have I spoken; but I will not answer: yea, twice; but I will proceed no further.
Job 40:6 Then answered the LORD unto Job out of the whirlwind, and said,
Job 40:7 Gird up thy loins now like a man: I will demand of thee, and declare thou unto me.
Job 40:8 Wilt thou also disannul my judgment? wilt thou condemn me, that thou mayest be righteous?

That is just a revelation of what is in all of us. We all come to be where you are. I know I did. Just like Job, I wanted to just die and get it over with. But this is what all of this is, according to our Creator who has given us His Word:

Jas 5:11 Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy.

“The end of the Lord… is very pitiful and of tender mercy”. You and I feel only the physical and mental pain of life, and we, of ourselves, are not capable of equating any of this with ‘pity and mercy’. But in time we will come to repent of contending with, reproving, and condemning our own Maker, and we will then understand that it actually takes trials which cause us to do just that to bring us to see ourselves and come to repent. Only then will we see that the Lord chastens and scourges every son He receives, and we will then understand that it was because of our trials that we were able to come to repent of condemning our own Maker.

Rom 2:4 Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?

Here is “the goodness of God” with which you are contending at this very moment:

Psa 107:21 Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!
Psa 107:22 And let them sacrifice the sacrifices of thanksgiving, and declare his works with rejoicing.
Psa 107:23 They that go down to the sea in ships, that do business in great waters;
Psa 107:24 These see the works of the LORD, and his wonders in the deep.
Psa 107:25 For he commandeth, and raiseth the stormy wind, which lifteth up the waves thereof.
Psa 107:26 They mount up to the heaven, they go down again to the depths: their soul is melted because of trouble.
Psa 107:27 They reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man, and are at their wits’ end.
Psa 107:28 Then they cry unto the LORD in their trouble, and he bringeth them out of their distresses.
Psa 107:29 He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still.
Psa 107:30 Then are they glad because they be quiet; so he bringeth them unto their desired haven.
Psa 107:31 Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!

I am not making light of what you are enduring, but being “at your wits’ end” is a good place to be in the long view of what God is doing within the life of every man. Only by first being there will any of us be able to comfort the billions of others who must also come to their wits’ end and come to see that as the goodness of God which brings us to repentance just as it did Job:

Job 40:2 Shall he that contendeth with the Almighty instruct him? he that reproveth God, let him answer it.
Job 40:3 Then Job answered the LORD, and said,
Job 40:4 Behold, I am vile; what shall I answer thee? I will lay mine hand upon my mouth.
Job 42:1 Then Job answered the LORD, and said,
Job 42:2 I know that thou canst do every thing, and that no thought can be withholden from thee.
Job 42:3 Who is he that hideth counsel without knowledge? therefore have I uttered that I understood not; things too wonderful for me, which I knew not.
Job 42:4 Hear, I beseech thee, and I will speak: I will demand of thee, and declare thou unto me.
Job 42:5 I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee.
Job 42:6 Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes.

So this is all temporary, even though it seems like eternity while we endure this process. In reality this process is common to all men, it is just few who come to see and know what God is doing in this life.

Ecc 9:2 All things come alike to all: there is one event to the righteous, and to the wicked; to the good and to the clean, and to the unclean; to him that sacrificeth, and to him that sacrificeth not: as is the good, so is the sinner; and he that sweareth, as he that feareth an oath.

“The good” of this verse, were all first sinners, and that is why we all must go through the same “one event” of being judged and coming to see ourselves for the corruptible , rebellious, God condemning flesh we all are at first.
But in the end we will come to see and understand that God was just working with us all along and making us into a vessel and an instrument for His glorious use and purpose:

Isa 41:7 So the carpenter encouraged the goldsmith, and he that smootheth with the hammer him that smote the anvil, saying, It is ready for the sodering: and he fastened it with nails, that it should not be moved.
Isa 41:8 But thou, Israel, art my servant, Jacob whom I have chosen, the seed of Abraham my friend.
Isa 41:9 Thou whom I have taken from the ends of the earth, and called thee from the chief men thereof, and said unto thee, Thou art my servant; I have chosen thee, and not cast thee away.
Isa 41:10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

I am encouraged by what you wrote in the subject box: “Becoming A Christian”.
We all become angry with God’s ways of doing things, but in the end He delivers us, and we will praise Him for it.

Psa 50:15 And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me.

I hope these verses of God’s own words are of some comfort and encouragement to you.
Your brother in your struggles,

Mike