Audio Download

Why Can’t a Believer Walk with an Unbeliever?

Hi Mike,

Thanks for the papers I will be sure to finish reading them very shortly. My only other question after reading your reply is 1Co 7. Why can’t a believing spouse walk with his unbelieving spouse? Doesn’t this violate the verses you shared with me? It’s almost as if Paul is saying to not become unequally yoked, as in do not let the unbelieving party lure you into their pattern. I don’t understand why I can’t pursue a relationship with a woman who I have compassion for because she does not have the understanding I do. I watch her interaction with the world and her attitude, and her character portrays Christ more than some who profess. If she is pleased with me and does not interfere with my walk then doesn’t 1Co 7 still apply that she could become sanctified and possibly hear and learn about Christ and prayerfully maybe one day follow Him herself? I know she doesn’t understand biblical things.

I have been spending a considerable amount of time with this lady and as I get to know her it’s clear that there is some kind of inbalance or unstabilty mentally. I have developed a deep concern for this person and even feel that I have fallen in love with her. I know she has seen some therapists before in the past and feel she could be bi- polar, but she was never diagnosed with it. Have you any information about mental illness?

Thanks, Mike, for your time and concern. It is much appreciated.

M____

Hi M____,

Thank you for your question. I am not unsympathetic toward your situation. I have been where you are in my own time and place, so I know how you feel, but the Truth still remains for those who are given to receive it:

2Co 6:14  Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
2Co 6:15  And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
2Co 6:16  And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
2Co 6:17  Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean [thing]; and I will receive you,
2Co 6:18  And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.

First, I want to acknowledge that what the scriptures require of us really are incapable of being received by the natural man within us.

Rom 7:17  Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
Rom 7:18  For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.
Rom 7:19  For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
Rom 7:20  Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
Rom 7:21  I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.

What you are essentially asking is, “Why cannot two walk together even if they don’t agree? Why cannot righteousness have fellowship with unrighteousness? Why cannot light have communion with darkness? Why cannot Christ have concord with Belial or a believer have part with and infidel?” Finally, you are asking me why the temple of God cannot have agreement with idols?

Why are you asking me these questions? The answer, and I understand this from personal experience, is because you simply do not want to be told “Be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers.” You want to have a relationship with this young lady whether you are “unequally yoked together” or not, and you think of this as “love”.

You ask me:

Would not the unbeliever still be sanctified by the believer?

The answer to that question is, if you are already married to an unbeliever before God calls you and opens your eyes and gives to you a desire to please Him above all else, then yes, the unbeliever will still be sanctified by the believer.” Nowhere is that promised to take place in this age. Like the salvation of all Israel, it is simply promised to come to pass eventually.

Rom 11:25  For I would not, brethren, that ye should be ignorant of this mystery, lest ye should be wise in your own conceits; that blindness in part is happened to Israel, until the fulness of the Gentiles be come in.
Rom 11:26  And so all Israel shall be saved: as it is written, There shall come out of Sion the Deliverer, and shall turn away ungodliness from Jacob:
Rom 11:27  For this is my covenant unto them, when I shall take away their sins.

When “the fullness of the Gentiles is come in… all Israel shall be saved… when I shall take away their sins.” When will that happen? These verses do not deal with the time-line of events. They simply state what the events will be, just as does the promise that the unbelieving spouse will be sanctified by the believing spouse, if that couple is already married when one of that couple comes to know our Lord.

Can an unbelieving spouse become a believer in this age? Of course, he or she can, but that is not inherent in the verses which say the unbelieving spouse will be sanctified by the believing spouse. Notice what that verse does say. Do not add to or take away from it.

1Co 7:14  For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

The children are holy because “the whole lump is holy”, not because the unbeliever was promised to become a believer in this age.

Rom 11:16  For if the firstfruit be holy, the lump is also holy: and if the root be holy, so are the branches.

The only time-line in this verse is the word “firstfruit.” The firstfruit is ‘first’, but when are we told that all Israel will be saved, and when are we told that the “lump is holy also?” Here are the verses which answer those questions. One of them is quoted above and is here again in this same 11th chapter of Romans.

Rom 11:25  For I would not, brethren, that ye should be ignorant of this mystery, lest ye should be wise in your own conceits; that blindness in part is happened to Israel, until the fulness of the Gentiles be come in.
Rom 11:26  And so all Israel shall be saved: as it is written, There shall come out of Sion the Deliverer, and shall turn away ungodliness from Jacob:
Rom 11:27  For this is my covenant unto them, when I shall take away their sins.

When will “all Israel be saved?” We are not left to speculate or think above what is written” (1Co 4:6). Here is when “all Israel will be saved.” Here is when “the fulness of the Gentiles will be come in.”

Eze 16:55 When thy sisters, Sodom and her daughters, shall return to their former estate, and Samaria and her daughters shall return to their former estate, then thou [“All Israel”] and thy daughters shall return to your former estate.

You say:

I watch her interaction with the world and her attitude and her character portrays Christ more than some who profess.

Good works and compassion for those who are hurting in this world, while yet being incapable of receiving the strong meat of God’s Word, is the very essence of what the scriptures refer to as God’s “strong delusion.” Ghandi “portrayed Christ more than most who profess”, but he was still a Pagan Hindu.

So on the one hand we have “strong meat” which is spiritual and “cannot be received by the natural man”, and on the other hand we have “strong delusion” which is physical and cannot be resisted by the natural man.

1Co 2:12 Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the spirit which is of God; that we might know the things that are freely given to us of God.
1Co 2:13 Which things also we speak, not in the words which man’s wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual.
1Co 2:14 But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know [them], because they are spiritually discerned.
1Co 2:15 But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man.

“He that is spiritual judges all things…” So much for those who teach that Matthew 7 teaches us that Christians cannot discern between good and evil. Christ taught no such thing. It is right there in that same chapter where Christ admonishes us all to be merciful in judgment that He also makes this statement:

Mat 7:15 Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
Mat 7:16  Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
Mat 7:17  Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.
Mat 7:18  A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
Mat 7:19  Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
Mat 7:20  Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

What is the fruit of the spirit?

Gal 5:22  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

What is “love?” There is simply no way around this fact:

1Jn 5:2  By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God, and keep his commandments.
1Jn 5:3  For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.

The good works and compassion for those who are hurting in this world, which your young lady friend may display, can indeed be the product of God’s love within any of us. However, those good works stink in God’s nostrils if they are used by us to replace obedience to God. It is right there in that same seventh chapter of Matthew:

Mat 7:20  Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
Mat 7:21  Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
Mat 7:22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
Mat 7:23  And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
Mat 7:24  Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:
Mat 7:25  And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.
Mat 7:26  And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:
Mat 7:27  And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.
Mat 7:28  And it came to pass, when Jesus had ended these sayings, the people were astonished at his doctrine:
Mat 7:29  For he taught them as one having authority, and not as the scribes.

Strong delusion replaces the love of God with physical good works and a genuine, albeit, physical love and compassion for those who are hurting in this world.

2Th 2:7  For the mystery of iniquity doth already work: only he who now letteth will let, until he be taken out of the way.
2Th 2:8  And then shall that Wicked be revealed, whom the Lord shall consume with the spirit of his mouth, and shall destroy with the brightness of his coming:
2Th 2:9  Even him, whose coming is after the working of Satan with all power and signs and lying wonders,
2Th 2:10  And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved.
2Th 2:11  And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie:
2Th 2:12  That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.

“All power and signs and lying wonders” are undeniable “good works in thy name.” Just look at how good Job saw himself as being:

Job 29:12 Because I delivered the poor that cried, and the fatherless and him that had none to help him.
Job 29:13 The blessing of him that was ready to perish came upon me: and I caused the widow’s heart to sing for joy.
Job 29:14 I put on righteousness, and it clothed me: my judgment was as a robe and a diadem.
Job 29:15 I was eyes to the blind, and feet was I to the lame.
Job 29:16 I was a father to the poor: and the cause which I knew not I searched out.

Job was a very “good man” from a worldly perspective. Your young lady friend may have some of these same attributes, but look at what God thinks of such an attitude which ignores His sovereignty and His expressed commandments to obey Him in all things:

Job 40:8 Wilt thou also disannul my judgment? wilt thou condemn me, that thou mayest be righteous?
Job 40:9  Hast thou an arm like God? or canst thou thunder with a voice like him?

The answer to all of these questions, just like all the questions concerning being unequally yoked together with an unbeliever is a thunderous NO!!! No, we cannot disannul God’s judgment, and no, two cannot walk together unless they agree that God’s words are to be supreme in their lives.

If you have any hopes of serving God, you cannot say that you love this young lady while you ignore the plain, clear and hard to receive commandment of God, which is the very definition of love:

1Jn 5:2 By this we know that we love the children of God [including your young lady friend], when we love God, and keep his commandments.
1Jn 5:3 For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.

I am going to take this opportunity to remind you of a scripture I feel sure you already know. You say in this email, “I know she doesn’t understand Biblical things.”

If that is so, then be very careful that you do not let yourself become emotionally involved with an unbeliever. I am not saying that you should not have emotions of compassion and concern for her physical well being, but you also say “[I] feel that I have fallen in love with her.” Whatever you do, do not fall for the lie that “love” is uncontrollable. The only thing that you and I cannot control is the beast that we are by nature. Christ alone can control that beast within us.

Rev 13:7 And it was given unto him to make war with the saints, and to overcome them: and power was given him over all kindreds, and tongues, and nations.

Rev 13:16 And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads:

We cannot in and of ourselves conquer this beast, but in Christ we can overcome and be victorious over this beast.

Php 4:13 I can do all things in him that strengtheneth me. (ASV)

Rev 15:2 And I saw as it were a sea of glass mingled with fire: and them that had gotten the victory over the beast, and over his image, and over his mark, and over the number of his name, stand on the sea of glass, having the harps of God.

It is in the love of Christ that I remind you that the scriptures plainly warn us that two cannot walk together unless they agree:

Amo 3:3 Can two walk together, except they be agreed?

So we are given very solid and good advice:

2Co 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
2Co 6:15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
2Co 6:16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

It is true that God can and does “call light out of darkness” and that He “Works all things together for good”. It is equally true that He commands us to love our brothers in the only way we can be sure is true Godly love. That love is revealed in these two verses.

1Jn 5:2 By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God, and keep his commandments.
1Jn 5:3 For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.

I would be completely negligent if I failed to mention these verses of scripture to you at this time. It is utter hypocrisy to say, “Lord, Lord” and declare our love for God and our brothers and sisters in Christ, while we ignore all of His admonitions and commandments concerning how we are to conduct our lives in this world.

Luk 6:46 And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?

So if you truly love this lady, you will obey God, and put Him and His commandments above your own will, and you will be praying fervently “Not my will but thine be done”, as Christ prayed.

On the other hand, you can ignore the saying of Christ concerning not being unequally yoked together and allow your “deceitful above all things” heart to tell you that you will overcome any evil that comes your way, and you will “sanctify your unbelieving girlfriend”, while you are in the very process of disobeying God, and your house will be built upon the sand of the desires of your deceitful heart.

Jer 17:9  The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
Jer 17:10  I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.

If you put your desires above the commandments of God, your lady friend will not respect or love you for it.

The very last thing in this world that you need is to be unequally yoked together with an unbelieving wife who has problems with mental stability and is bipolar. I know from the personal experience of friends in this exact situation that the mental instability seen before marriage is even more pronounced once the day-to-day married life has settled in. You cannot disobey God and expect to overcome this affliction in the life of your friend.

On the other hand, if you tell the Lord that all you want in this life is the strength to put Him and His kingdom first, even ahead of this young lady, then she will admire and respect you for putting God’s Word and the strength of your convictions first in your life, and if you can truly give this young lady up for Christ, then and only then, God may see fit to give her to you.

Mat 10:39  He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.

“Losing our life” is not speaking physically. It is speaking of giving up our desires to please and obey the sayings and the Words and the commandments of Christ and His Father.

You ask if I have ever written anything on mental disorders, so I am sending you the links to what I have written on this subject.

You Shall Receive Power – Part 1
You Shall Receive Power – Part 2
Mental Illness

I hope this is of some help to you.

Be patient. Wait until after the Lord has dragged this woman to Himself, and then, if it is His will, He might see fit to give her to you as a wife.

What you will decide to do here is already written in God’s book of your life, but He alone knows what is written there for you to do in this particular situation.

Psa 139:16  Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them. (NASB)

I pray that these words and scriptures are seen for what they are, and that you are given to escape this tragic mistake you infer you want to make by becoming unequally yoked with an unbeliever who is also suffering from a mental disorder.

Your brother in Christ,

Mike