Marriage, Part 2 - Wives, Submit Yourselves To Your Own Husbands, As Unto The Lord - Part A - Discussion

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Eph 5:22 - Wives, Submit Yourselves To Your Own Husbands, As Unto The Lord - Part 1

Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Eph 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

As we begin this discussion today, I want you to remember that I gave the husbands the Lord's words to them last week, and while I am making absolutely no apologies to the radical feminist movement nor to the "me too" movement, I am giving you only what is in the Word of God, our very Maker, who knows what does and what does not work in making the marriage relationship produce the fruits of His spirit in every married couple who is fortunate enough to be given eyes that see, and ears that hear, the mysteries of the kingdom of God within you (Mat 13:10-15), and the fear of God that will drag you to repent of your lack of submission to Him, to your husband and to His ways.

It is not natural for any wife to submit herself to her husband because every fiber of her being is just naturally "enmity against God... not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be":

Rom 7:18 For I know that in [every wife] (that is, in [your] flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with [you]; but how to perform that which is good [you just cannot find out]
Rom 8:7 Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be.

The curse the Lord placed upon all wives in the Garden of Eden for Eve's disobedience in eating of the forbidden fruit was to "want to control [her] husband":

Gen 3:16 To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your labor pains; with pain you will give birth to children. You will want to control your husband, but he will dominate you." (NET)

Look at how the Lord has hidden this Truth from the world through all the terribly bad translations of what he really said here in Genesis 3:16. I will give just two examples which typify 99% of the English translations of this verse:

Gen 3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. (KJV)

Gen 3:16 (3:17) And to the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy pains and thy groanings; in pain thou shalt bring forth children, and thy submission shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. (Brenton's 1851 Septuagint)

No, the Lord did not bless you wives with "...your submission shall be to your husband". It is beyond question that He tells you wives, and us husbands who are also the wife of Christ, "You will want to control your husband", along with the reassuring words that in the end, "He shall rule over you."

Every woman in this fellowship professes to want to be subject to Christ, their spiritual husband (2Co 11:2). So ask yourself, if you are hearing or reading this study, Are you honestly even interested in being subject to your physical husband as unto the Lord? Do you really want to be "the light of the world" and demonstrate who Christ really is to this world?

Mat 5:14 Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.

Just as surely as "a city that is built on a hill cannot be hid", so also your blasphemous hypocrisy cannot be hidden from your husband or the world.

Tit 2:4 That they ["the aged women", vs 3] may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
Tit 2:5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

God does not take part in mind games. He is the one who gives us our thoughts and 'turns us to destruction'. However, then He says, "return you children of men". He 'makes us err from His ways', and then He makes us to return to Himself:

Psa 90:3 Thou turnest man to destruction; and sayest, Return, ye children of men.

Isa 63:17 O LORD, why hast thou made us to err from thy ways, and hardened our heart from thy fear? Return for thy servants' sake, the tribes of thine inheritance.

So I am not holding you responsible for what you do as the wife of your husband. All I am here to tell you is that it is God who works "in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure", and I am here to tell you that it is "His good pleasure [to] work in you" the repentance which He requires of us all:

Php 2:12 Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.
Php 2:13 For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.

Which "good pleasure" includes:

Rev 2:5 Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent.

Either we tremble at his word or we don't, and He knows what is in our hearts. You wives are commanded to "remember" what it was like when you were first so much in love with your husband. Remember the time when you aspired to submit to him and to please him "as unto the Lord". Look at Titus 2:5 again. Think very carefully about what you are reading in that verse. When you fail to submit to and obey your husband, you are "blaspheming the word of God" before your own husband and before your own children, and before the whole world to whom you are supposed to be "the light of the world".

1Ch 28:9 And thou, [wives] know thou the God of thy father, and serve him with a perfect heart and with a willing mind: for the LORD searcheth all hearts, and understandeth all the imaginations of the thoughts: if thou seek him, he will be found of thee; but if thou forsake him, he will cast thee off for ever.

Rev 2:23 And I will kill [the] children [of the disobedient wife] with death; and all the churches shall know that I am he which searcheth the reins and hearts: and I will give unto every one of you according to your works.

That word 'reins', is translated from:

G3510
νεφρός
nephros
nef-ros'
Of uncertain affinity; a kidney (plural), that is, (figuratively) the inmost mind: - reins.

It is the Greek word for 'kidney', but 'kidneys' throughout scripture means "the inmost mind" and heart of every man, which God knows very intimately.

If you as a wife are not "submit[ting] yourself to your husband in all things, as unto the Lord... with a perfect heart" He will definitely not be found of you, and He will cast you off, your prayers will be hindered, God will not hear your prayers and you will receive "every one of you according to your works".

So when we are told:

Pro 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

It is clearly stated that this wife is someone whom the Lord Himself considers to be "a good thing" who will bring favor from the Lord to her husband. Of course the opposite is also true, and a woman who finds a Godly husband also finds a good thing and will "obtain favor of the Lord". But we dare not let our "favor of the Lord" depend upon the actions of our physical spouse, male or female. We must remain faithful and not blaspheme the Word of the Lord, whether or spouse is a Godly person or not.

Our 'Manufacturer', our Creator, has ordained that husbands are to be the head of the family. These are the words of the Manufacturer's 'operator's manual':

1Co 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

So men are designed by their Maker to be the leader, and "the head" of the home and of their wives and their children. You may very well be right when you protest, "My husband just simply is not a Godly leader, he has no respect for me, he favors the children over me, and he certainly has no fear of the Lord nor of His Word." If that is the hand the Lord has dealt you, then what would the Lord have you to do under such circumstances? Do you really believe for one moment the Lord gave you such a trial to give you an excuse to disobey His commandment for you to "be subject unto your husband in all things, as unto the Lord... that the Word of God be not blasphemed", before your children, before your family and before the whole world?

No, of course not. God does not give us trials for the purpose of excusing our carnal desire to cave in to the pressures of those trials. He gives us trials to "overcome" those trials. Listen to the promises given to those who "overcome the world":

1Jn 5:4 For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith [in Christ within us].

1Jn 5:5 Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God?

Rev 2:7 He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches; To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the tree of life, which is in the midst of the paradise of God.

Rev 2:11 He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches; He that overcometh shall not be hurt of the second death.

Rev 2:17 He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches; To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the hidden manna, and will give him a white stone, and in the stone a new name written, which no man knoweth saving he that receiveth it.

Rev 2:26 And he that overcometh, and keepeth my works unto the end, to him [and her] will I give power over the nations:

Rev 3:5 He that overcometh, the same shall be clothed in white raiment; and I will not blot out his name out of the book of life, but I will confess his name before my Father, and before his angels.

Rev 3:12 Him that overcometh will I make a pillar in the temple of my God, and he shall go no more out: and I will write upon him the name of my God, and the name of the city of my God, which is new Jerusalem, which cometh down out of heaven from my God: and I will write upon him my new name.

Rev 3:21 To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne.

Rev 21:7 He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son.

Those are just some of the incredible promises which are promised to you wives who are granted the strength to swallow your pride and fight against the curse that has been placed upon you by God, so you can overcome your desire to "control your husband" (Gen 3:16 [NET]).

Men are meant to be leaders, and a wife who insists on being the leader of her husband and her home is not a "good... find", and neither will she bring "favor of the Lord" to her husband. The Lord will not favor a wife who simply will not be "subject to [her] own husband in all things, as unto the Lord". When you wives do mental, physical, or verbal battle with your husband you are engaging in a spiritual battle against Christ Himself. If you take it upon yourself to say, "No, I am not battling Christ, I am battling an incompetent, ungodly husband" that is the same thing as "resist[ing] the powers that be" simply because they are evil thugs who want to murder Christ. Yes, that is the natural and naturally logical thing to do, but the Truth is that Christ Himself was murdered by a gang of thugs, and He still submitted Himself to their abuse, telling Peter:

Joh 18:11 Then said Jesus unto Peter, Put up thy sword into the sheath: the cup which my Father hath given me, shall I not drink it?

None of us just naturally wants to "drink... the cup" our Lord has given us, and you wives with unconverted or incompetent husbands are no different. You would not just naturally want to submit to your husband, even if He were a very Godly and competent husband, if what he wanted was not what you wanted. How much more so when you are given an incompetent, ungodly husband who has no real fear of God or regard for His Word?

But none of this changes the commandment of the spirit:

Tit 2:4 That they ["the aged women", vs 3] may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
Tit 2:5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

If you wives really "love your children, and do not want to "blaspheme... the word of God", then you must never, ever, under any circumstance, permit your children to see you withstanding your husband. How can any woman who claims that she wants to serve Christ, argue with her husband in the presence of God and her children, and make any claim at all of attempting to be "subject to [her] husband as unto the Lord?" A wife who is serious about submitting to her husband really is a rare find. Don't even claim to be a virtuous woman if you cannot even "submit to your husband in all things, as unto the Lord". When you do such a thing you really do "blaspheme... the Word of God"

How true is the question:

Pro 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

What make this valuable wife so valuable?

Pro 31:11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
Pro 31:12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Can your husband trust you to do Him good and not evil all the days of your life? Can your husband count on you to speak highly of him behind his back? I mentioned last week how discouraging it is to a woman to dread the arrival home of her husband after a long day's work when the first words out of his mouth are words of disapproval of everything you have said and done that day. There is no natural desire to please your husband to begin with, and when he adds such negative behavior to the fact that you already want to control him, we have the perfect recipe for an eventual dissolution of that marriage to the man who you at one time loved and admired and to whom you once thought you wanted to submit yourself as unto the Lord.

Well, it all works the exact same way in reverse. A man who cannot trust his wife to speak positively about him to her friends and family and the world on Facebook simply cannot trust his wife. How can a husband "safely trust" a wife who constantly derides him to her friends and family, and who simply refuses to follow His leadership? How can it possibly be said that her husband "has no need..." if he has no support from his own wife. When you show no support for your husband, and all you do is give him a bad name to your children and your friends and to your family, then don't be surprised when your children show no respect for their father or to you, and don't be surprised when your family and friends don't want you and your husband to come around. You are reaping what you have sown.

You wives are doing your husbands and yourself no good at all when you uncover your husband's 'nakedness' (his faults) to your children and to all your family and friends. Instead of "do[ing] him good all the days of [your] life, you are really "do[ing] him evil all the days of your own life" as long as you do not bring yourself to "love your husband" (Tit 2:4), repent of your desire to "control your husband (Gen 3:16), and begin to encourage your husband to take back his proper place as the head of his house, and submit yourself to your husband in all things... as unto the Lord".

Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Eph 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

This is the only thing that works in a Godly marriage. There is no caveat 'Unless he is an ungodly husband' in that commandment. You may well say, "My husband likes me being the decision maker." I have actually been told that, and in today's world that is far too often true, and it is obvious in many cases that the wife is simply more qualified to be a leader than is her husband. There are indeed men who prefer that their wives be in charge of the family, and be the leader. But even if your husband never wants to make a decision, don't just cave in to that ungodly, timid spirit.

Never accomodate a lie. What a God fearing wife must do in such cases is to encourage her husband to become a leader, and take the time to subtly show him and educate him as to what his proper role is as her husband and what his proper place is as the head of the family. Your husband may never learn to be the head of his own family in this life, but you as his wife ought never stop encouraging him to take the lead, and to be the leader of his own wife and children.

A Godly husband appreciates such a valuable and trustworthy wife, and he will inform his children that their mother is the most important person in this world to him. He lets his children know in no uncertain terms that their mother is their boss when he is not around. She is also their boss when their father is around. Every Godly husband will make it clear that His wife has him on her side at all times. Proverbs 31 makes it clear that a woman should have great latitude in family matters under her husband's headship, to run the affairs of the home. When we read the rest of Proverbs 31, it becomes obvious that a Godly man can and should trust his wife with the running of the children and the matters that concern the household.

Just as women need their husbands to make them feel loved and needed and appreciated, so must you wives make your husbands to feel they are loved and needed and appreciated. A marriage is an outward symbol of the body of Christ of which we are told:

Eph 4:15 But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:
Eph 4:16 From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.

Let's be honest and realistic and Biblical in considering all we are saying here today. Let's all recognize and appreciate the fact that the spiritual 'giants in our land' are not driven out in one year, rather they are driven out "by little and little" until we are given dominion over the land which we are given of the Lord to occupy:

Exo 23:29 I will not drive them out from before thee in one year; lest the land become desolate, and the beast of the field multiply against thee.
Exo 23:30 By little and little I will drive them out from before thee, until thou be increased, and inherit the land.

A quick easy work would produce nothing but the beast of self-righteousness, as the book of Job demonstrates (Job 29). It takes time to develop into a Proverbs 31 wife just as it takes time for a man to become a God-fearing husband. But as you are given to dominate and destroy the giant beast within you, this is the fruit that a Proverbs 31 wife produces:

Pro 31:13 She seeks wool and flax, and works willingly with her hands.

A God-fearing wife works hard to cover the nakedness of her entire family. She does not go around uncovering that nakedness, because she loves her husband, and he can trust that she will do him good and not evil all the days of her life, and this is the wisdom in her mouth and the fruit of the love she has for her husband and her family:

Pro 10:12 Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.

Pro 17:9 He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.

Jas 5:20 Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.

1Pe 4:8 And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.

Read those four verses carefully and ask the Lord to strengthen you to become a wife who can be trusted by her husband to do him good and not evil for all the days of your life.

Let's continue to see what a wise, God-fearing husband sees in his most valued God-fearing wife:

Pro 31:14 She is like the merchant ships: she brings her bread from afar.
Pro 31:15 She also rises while it is yet night, and gives food to her household, and their task to her maidens.
Pro 31:16 She considers a field, and buys it. With the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
Pro 31:17 She girds her loins with strength, and makes strong her arms.
Pro 31:18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out by night.
Pro 31:19 She lays her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.
Pro 31:20 She stretches out her hand to the poor, yea, she reaches forth her hands to the needy.

All of this is a perfect description of Christ Himself as accepting the Headship He is under. Everything He did was intended to please His head:

Joh 5:30 I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me.

A Godly wife seeks not her own will but the will of her head. She does not accuse her husband of his shortcomings because the wisdom of her mouth teaches her and her children and her family and her friends that her husband's sins are not his sins, but those sins and shortcomings are the work of "the law of sin" which the One lawgiver, God Himself, has placed in her husband's members. She deals with the trials the Lord gives her in the way the wisdom and fear of God dictate. In other words, she is obedient to the Lord's words whether her husband is or not.

We are going to stop for now, and pick up here next week as we continue to see that all either husband or wives do, whether it is good or evil, is a work of God in our lives and for our good, after the counsel of His own will, and we will end this study for now with these verses which should remind us all Who it is who is sending us all of our trials:

Rom 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

1Co 8:6 But to us there is but one God, the Father, of whom are all things, and we in him; and one Lord Jesus Christ, by whom are all things, and we by him.

2Co 4:15 For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God.

2Co 5:18 And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;

Eph 1:3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ:
Eph 1:4 According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:
Eph 1:5 Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will,
Eph 1:6 To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.
Eph 1:7 In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace;
Eph 1:8 Wherein he hath abounded toward us in all wisdom and prudence;
Eph 1:9 Having made known unto us the mystery of his will, according to his good pleasure which he hath purposed in himself:
Eph 1:10 That in the dispensation of the fulness of times he might gather together in one all things in Christ, both which are in heaven, and which are on earth; even in him:
Eph 1:11 In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will:
Eph 1:12 That we should be to the praise of his glory, who first trusted in Christ.

[The first part of this marriage series can be found here.]
[The next part of this marriage series can be found here.]