[Study Aired February 16, 2020 – by Nicholas Ondari]

[Updated February 17, 2020]

[Updated October 29, 2025]

I will tackle this subject in a double-pronged way. Firstly, we may examine discipline among believers (those called and chosen) and secondly, why the leadership or elders in the body are mandated to provide oversight over all forms of discipline.

First, how is the family of God meant to treat one another so that the world may know we are his disciples?

Joh 13:34  A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.
Joh 13:35  By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. 

Again He repeats the same command.

Joh 15:12  This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. 

Does our Lord expect us to offend one another? Yes, He does! If He does, has He provided modalities of dealing with offences with conciliation, love and respect? Yes, He does not expect any of His children to look down on the least of these His brethren.  These instructions are for us not considering gender, status or race. As we shall see, our Lord has left us with enough instructions on the type of attitude we must always display towards one another, in the body (and indeed the whole world). He forewarns us that offences will come to prepare us so that we are ready to do what He commands about offences.

Mat 18:7  Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!

Mat 18:10  Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.

Luk 10:16  He that heareth you heareth me; and he that despiseth you despiseth me; and he that despiseth me despiseth him that sent me.

Mat 25:40  And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. 

Mat 18:21  Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
Mat 18:22  Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

Here is what Jesus commanded to be done whenever there are infractions among brethren:

Mat 18:15 If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.
Mat 18:16 But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed.
Mat 18:17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
Mat 18:18 Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven.
Mat 18:19 Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven.
Mat 18:20 For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.

Jesus is simply telling us to talk with one another when misunderstandings occur! Jesus lays out a simple pattern for His church to follow.  It consists of four steps:

• 1. Any believer has the responsibility to confront any other believer when they see that that believer has sinned or is going astray from the doctrine of Christ.  This should be done privately, whether in writing, physical or phone call. If the sinning believer acknowledges his sin and repents of it, the confronting brother/sister has won him to a place of unity and restoration (which is the primary purpose of all discipline/ correction).  The confronting believer must constrain himself/ herself from unnecessary details and ensure they are attacking the offence without dragging in many other side issues and people, and especially the sinning brother/sister’s family. This first step of handling offence is where the largest part of discipline begins and ends. When this first step is done with respect and love, even complicated relational and doctrinal challenges will get sorted out.

  [Q. What if the offenses happen publicly? If false doctrine is introduced into the study/fellowship, should it be addressed publicly? A. If something were not said on the spot, it would appear they were all putting their stamp of approval on separating from the Gentiles (Gal 2:12-14). There were cases of public rebuke when necessary (1Ti 5:20). – Mike Vinson

  “Christ went down to the disciples’ feet to show us leadership – it’s a servant leadership…You cannot start without the foundation, and Christ is that foundation…It’s not a teaching of law but of the spirit life within you. God is building His church, and [the grave] cannot stop what He is doing.” – Larry Groenewald (Added February 17, 2020)]

• 2. However, if the sinning believer does not repent, step two demands that the confronting believer has the responsibility to bring two or three additional believers back to the offending one for loving, polite and respectful confrontation. This is to avoid lengthy back and forth arguments, which tend to complicate matters. Simply take another two or three adelphos (not outsiders, please) and let the matter be established. This might happen via zoom, conference calls or skype if physical contact is not possible. Writing e-mails hardly encourages reconciliation as some well-meaning words may be misunderstood by any of the parties. This step insures that, at the mouth of two or three witnesses, both the facts of the sin, as well as the confirmation of the process, can be established. If the offending party realizes their error and repents, the matter ends there, brethren pray together, hug and the matter is laid to rest and should never be raised or revived in any forum in future. Confidentiality is a spiritual value.

• 3. Step three says that if the offending believer does not repent from the second confrontation, the sin is to be told to the fellowship, which would ordinarily be carried out by communicating to the leadership of the fellowship (and in our case, one of the elders), who then would decide the way forward. The discretion of the particular elder on the matter, must be respected by all the parties already in the know. Depending on the magnitude of the offence, the elder may wish to loop in other elders or tackle the matter and bring a report to the rest of the elders, if need be. The elders may make a final decision on the way forward, but up to here, very few people know about the matter and it is held in confidence. No need for innuendos and conjectures about the matter on the family platforms please!

  4. The elder’s decision will always be regarded as having been made as the Lord has led the elder(s) and on behalf of the whole body. The entire fellowship therefore is expected to ratify and accept the elders’ decision in such a matter. The eldership would normally through one of their own, plead with the offending brother or sister to repent of their sin and come back to a right relationship with God and the offended brother/sister. After a sufficient time (determined by the Elder/s), the sinning brother has either repented, or refuses to do so. If the offending believer repents, the team prays together, may even sing a song, hug and dismiss, holding the matter in confidence having forgiven the offender.

  If s/he refuses, then by virtue of Jesus’ own pronouncement (via His words in Matthew 18:18-20), step four is to be enacted: The eldership may request the offender to be silent and not to participate, comment or write to any of the brothers and sisters and not to fellowship in any form, for a given period (weeks/months), including his attendance at all public studies.  If s/he accepts this ruling by the elders on behalf of the church, on completion of the discipline, s/he may be accepted back to fellowship with some minor procedures, as the elders may prefer.

  If he refuses the elders’ ruling, he is therefore to be treated as one who rejects the gospel of Christ and therefore is to be treated like a publican or tax collector.  If he is seen by or writes to any member of the fellowship, s/he is to be warned of the consequences of his/her sin but is also exhorted to come to a saving relationship with Christ as he once confessed.  Should the erring individual later repent and request reinstatement to the body of believers s/he once adhered to, s/he shall meet with the elders, seek to be evaluated in the manifest presence of that professed repentance and then be restored to the body. Again the whole body will be informed accordingly from the eldership. Before that announcement by elders, other members of the body must be warned to avoid any type of communication, unless the offender is one’s spouse or family member.

This is the four-fold process of Biblical church discipline and restoration, and this fellowship subscribes to all the details above.

Our Lord’s instructions on offences as explained above from the scriptures, must be adhered to due to these six reasons, just to name some:

(1) It glorifies God because it proves our obedience to His instructions, while at the same time, maintains the proper role of church leadership/eldership who must keep the church of Christ in biblical order and discipline;

(2) The major goal of any form of church discipline is to reclaim or restore the offender(s), i.e., to restore those who have veered from the path of obedience to Christ’s commandments;

(3) It maintains the purity of the church and her worship, with a specific view toward the avoidance of profaning the body of Christ by not discerning it;

(4) It vindicates the integrity and honour of Christ and His word by exhibiting fidelity to His word;

(5) It deters others from further sinning and offending the body (the least of these my brethren);

(6) It prevents giving God a chance to set Himself against the fellowship of believers like He did during Archan’s secret sin.

Biblical Church Discipline/Restoration glorifies God and therefore proves our obedience to Him.  If we cooperate with God in the matter of church discipline, we thus prove to Him and a watching world that we desire to glorify Him.  Those believers who are willing to submit to this process either as offended or offender, truly manifest their obedience to Scripture and its Author.

Rom 16:17  Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them.
Rom 16:18  For they that are such serve not our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly; and by good words and fair speeches deceive the hearts of the simple.

1Th 5:14  Now we exhort you, brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men.
1Th 5:15  See that none render evil for evil unto any man; but ever follow that which is good, both among yourselves, and to all men.

Now I will move to part two of Biblical discipline in our fellowship and how we may understand the scriptures on this important subject. I will focus on why the custodians of church discipline are the body of elders in any fellowship or church.

The goal in every type of discipline, whether it be gentle correction, admonition, rebuke, or excommunication, is always the restoration of the offender. So, all true sons of God, who wish to grow spiritually and be counted worthy to be in the first resurrection, must take biblical church discipline seriously.   It is not the intent of the church leadership, nor the brethren themselves, to see any other thing to occur in the offending person, except their full and complete restoration to the Lord and His body.  Often, those who are under discipline tend to claim that they are being singled out, sinned against in the process of discipline, treated unfairly, etc and even go as far as trying to recruit sympathy supporters.  When Biblical Church discipline/restoration is followed to its Scriptural specificity, no valid claim of wrongdoing can be justified, and those who would support the offender will be participating in other men’s sins.

1Ti 5:21  I charge thee before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, and the elect angels, that thou observe these things without preferring one before another, doing nothing by partiality.
1Ti 5:22  Lay hands suddenly on no man, neither be partaker of other men’s sins: keep thyself pure.

When the Corinthian church persisted in their accommodation of a man in sexual sin, Paul admonished them this way:

1Co 5:9  I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators:
1Co 5:10  Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then must ye needs go out of the world.
1Co 5:11  But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat. 

The reason Paul is so strong on this point is that to associate with such offending brethren makes the church and the world indistinguishable.  The purity of those who profess to be followers of Christ must be maintained within the fellowship.  The elders are the custodians in ensuring this purity, therefore their decisions and guidance must be submitted to.

Another part of the sum of God’s word on this subject is Hebrews 6 aimed at those who find no repentance and cannot be restored in this age.

Heb 6:1 Therefore leaving the principles of the doctrine of Christ, let us go on unto perfection; not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works, and of faith toward God,
Heb 6:2  Of the doctrine of baptisms, and of laying on of hands, and of resurrection of the dead, and of eternal judgment.
Heb 6:3  And this will we do, if God permit.
Heb 6:4   For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost,
Heb 6:5  And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come,
Heb 6:6  If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.
Heb 6:7  For the earth which drinketh in the rain that cometh oft upon it, and bringeth forth herbs meet for them by whom it is dressed, receiveth blessing from God:
Heb 6:8  But that which beareth thorns and briers is rejected, and is nigh unto cursing; whose end is to be burned.

A fellowship that readily embraces biblical discipline brings about rapid spiritual maturity and healing to the whole body. The truth is no one can come to spiritual maturity who has not been disciplined, that’s why we have an undisciplined world and a generation of spiritual orphans and undisciplined churches with the culture of the spiritually fatherless all over running the show.

“When we come to maturity, we’ll put away childish things” as Paul said in chapter 13 of 1 Corinthians. One of the childish things we will have put away is given to us in chapter 11 of 1 Corinthians i.e “…. the notion that you are individuals or you are separate from the rest of the Body of Christ.” In chapter 12 he corrects that assumption by saying to them, “We are just one Body.” Indiscipline messes the whole body, and that is why God takes it seriously. He often tends to have a soft spot for all types of sin, but when it comes to insubordination and rebellion against any form of correction and order, there are examples across the bible, where He acted harshly.

Ecc 5:1  Keep thy foot when thou goest to the house of God, and be more ready to hear, than to give the sacrifice of fools: for they consider not that they do evil.
Ecc 5:2  Be not rash with thy mouth, and let not thine heart be hasty to utter any thing before God: for God is in heaven, and thou upon earth: therefore let thy words be few.

Without exception, God has given us leaders not just to lead, but to rule (not in a worldly dictatorial format, but as servant-leaders who wash the brethren’s feet) and that would mainly involve disciplining and discipling His people and keeping order in the body.

In the early church, every time an issue arose that threatened to divide the Body, it called forth the apostolic counsel/elders of the body. For example, when the Body in Jerusalem began to be divided over Grecian and Jewish widows and their care, the apostles who were in Jerusalem at the time gave orders to solve the problem and so deacons were appointed. A decision was made by the leaders/apostles/elders. No one had to vote or dispute the corporate elders’ decision because they are the custodians to maintain order in the church.

When a tremendous problem arose in the New Testament church that threatened its very existence: the matter of the admission of Gentiles into the church, the issue was settled by an apostolic council in Acts 15.

Early apostolic councils continued the tradition of recognizing that there were apostles (sent ones) who could solve problems. They were and are still mandated to unify the Body. So, the body of Christ is typically headed by apostolic teachers called elders, who in turn bring order to the household of which they are members and leaders. Our fellowship must uphold this historical church practice and value.

Being a member of the fellowship results in fatherly discipline, correction, but more importantly training and instruction in righteousness, the resolving of issues, of problems, the judging of matters, and all these things that have largely been neglected in traditional Christianity because there’s no framework in which these challenges could be processed and brought to resolution. So, as a consequence people simply skip around from church to church, taking the problems with them, endangering the fellowships wherever they go and most importantly, never getting healed themselves. Can our fellowship and family afford that? We are not here for convenience until a problem arises. This is the body of Christ, and each one of us has been placed here as part of that body.

We must understand the body of Christ and the need for discipline in the family. There is no family (physical or spiritual) that can survive without a discipline code and practice.

In this highly undisciplined world, people are placed in the fellowship but wish to continue with their ways of not being accountable to anyone, not being corrected if they are in error or cause offence. God’s family is His house, which is the house of Christ, and requires very high discipline. There is a divine order of things, including relationships, in God’s house. Those the Lord brings to the house need to be raised up in the ways of God, and somebody needs to give an accounting in the matter of fathering and of fatherhood to show them God the Father. That is the work of elders.

Understanding this helps us see clearly the family and Household of God. If not, a culture of resenting leadership and their oversight tends to develop. We have borrowed from the world which do not respect or honour their leaders/elders. A fatherless culture of spiritual orphans has been developing in the last two millennia, and the idea of spiritual fathering and discipleship is forgotten and frowned at! We expect all in our fellowship to seek to be persuaded by our leaders and to be deferring to them. We pray everyone to love as Christ has loved us!

Heb 13:17 Be persuaded by your leaders, and be deferring to them, for they are vigilant for the sake of your souls, as having to render an account, that they may be doing this with joy, and not with groaning, for this is disadvantageous for you. (CLV)

The common understanding out there is “…..do not judge so that you may not be judged.” This general teaching has confused many, and the Corinthian church found themselves unable to make critical decisions among themselves. So, Paul wrote telling them that matters within the church need to be judged by the church,

1Co 5:12  For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within?

1Co 6:1  Dare any of you, having a matter against another, go to law before the unjust, and not before the saints?
1Co 6:2  Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters?
1Co 6:3  Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more things that pertain to this life?

Elders do not have the duty of running the day-to-day affairs of families or individuals. They are like patriarchs, and a patriarch is one who resolves disputes, but more importantly and in the Old Testament model, the patriarch was one who connected the generations to the promise. Abraham, the patriarch of his line, connected the generations that came after him to the promise God had given to him.

Abraham’s model is a type and shadow of the New Testament eldership. Therefore, Abraham and the covenant of circumcision was all about the flesh, and God’s intention ultimately was to remove the flesh so that the reality could be seen.

So today, as it was in the first century when the church first came into being, the apostolic fathers were meant to be the fathers of the spiritual households that would be responsible for people’s spiritual care and well being to bring them to spiritual maturity i.e matured sons of God (male and female=sons), fit to be rulers with Christ. Babies cannot be rulers!

1Ti 3:4  One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;
1Ti 3:5  (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)

1Ti 3:15  But if I tarry long, that thou mayest know how thou oughtest to behave thyself in the house of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and ground of the truth.

Elders are not like the denominational mandarins who control God’s people for filthy lucre and spiritual manipulation. Elders are not manipulators and controllers of the flock. It isn’t about control; it is about the fathers showing the Father to the flock.  It is about feeding and giving account for the little flock.

1Pe 5:1  The elders which are among you I exhort, who am also an elder, and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, and also a partaker of the glory that shall be revealed:
1Pe 5:2  Feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight thereof, not by constraint, but willingly; not for filthy lucre, but of a ready mind;
1Pe 5:3  Neither as being lords over God’s heritage, but being ensamples to the flock.

Whereas we have examined the scriptural teachings about forgiveness and handling offences in the assembly, God has, throughout the Bible, vehemently protected those on whose shoulders He has placed the burden of leadership. He has never taken it lightly, both in the Old and New Testaments. Poor treatment of leaders is not at the same level with ordinary infractions within the body. Biblical instructions and God’s reaction on insubordination and rebellion against leadership have always been very different from handling offences between brethren in the body. His instructions are simply to respect and honour elders as those who have oversight over the flock. The mistake the modern church does is to confuse the two approaches on solving these two different problems and our fellowship should not make the same error.

1Ti 5:1  Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren;

The Greek verb for rebuke in this verse is not the normal English word for “rebuke” in other places in the New Testament. I discovered this verse mentioned above is the only place this word is used, and it literally means “to strike at or rail”, “to attack”, ”to chastise.”

Timothy was told not to lash out, strike upon, rail, beat upon, at an elder but to entreat him as a father with respect. Nowhere else in the entire bible are we instructed to esteem/honour any class of people HIGHLY, not even kings and governors!  So, when the word of God tells us to entreat our elders and esteem them highly, please take note!

1Ti 5:19  Against an elder receive not an accusation, but before two or three witnesses.

Without hard-cold evidence, we are discouraged from accepting any accusation against an elder. As usual, if an elder turns messy, God will fix them long before your involvement. Both the accuser and the one receiving the accusation against an elder or accepting it are in the same violation of these scripture. Listening to all kinds of stuff about an elder(s), and then holding back from any action, whistle blow, report, counsel or discipline is the same as accepting an accusation against an elder without evidence, which we are stopped from doing. That is the same as joining Korah, Miriam and Aaron when they railed accusations and sneered at Moses. Those OT reports are not mere threats but case studies to warn us.

1Ti 5:17  Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in preaching and teaching.

1Th 5:12  We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you,
1Th 5:13  and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves.

I do agree, this is an uncomfortable subject in our hyper-tolerant age where morals and respect for people has waned. However, Jesus has given the ekklesia as led by the elders the right to determine who is to be in or out of the assembly and the kind of decorum with which those in His body must conduct themselves. That is the reason for the positive and negative one-anothers in the NT. It’s also what Paul meant when he asked, “Are you not to judge those inside [the church]?”

1Co 5:11  But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.  
1Co 5:12 For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within?
1co 5:13 But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.

A railer, whether against another brother or elder, just like a drunkard, fornicator, extortioner, idolator is one of those meant to be disassociated with by the body.

To be complacent and do nothing against those bringing railing accusations against an elder or even another brother or sister, is to be part of that behavior and therefore not protecting the body and not being your brother’s keeper!

The command is not that Timothy must never rebuke (the normal english usage) an elder if there is proof the elder has sinned, but that he was not to strike at them with an overly harsh attack, especially if there are no hard-cold-facts to prove sin or false doctrine.

Gal 5:19 Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality,
Gal 5:20 idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, 
Gal 5:21 envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Php 2:2. Complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.

I pray that God will help the elders in leading the flock by providing oversight and example to bring discipline in a loving, provocative, attractive, distinct, respectful, gracious way as the shepherds knowing that their and our saviour is watching.

Amen

Nicholas Ondari

Marriage in Scripture – Part 6

Bring… Up [Your Children] in The Nurture and Admonition of The Lord. (Part Two)

A husband and wife who are united and in agreement that they intend to rear their children “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” will avoid a lot of the heartaches that come with diametrically opposing philosophies on the subject of what works and what is the proper means of rearing and disciplining their children and what the values are that should be established in the lives of their children. The time to discuss such an important issues ideally is before marriage, of course.

In our last study we saw that just as Moses was a god to Pharaoh, parents are gods to their children who are not yet able to conceive of an all sovereign, invisible, loving, heavenly Father.

Exo 7:1 And the LORD said unto Moses, See, I have made thee a god to Pharaoh: and Aaron thy brother shall be thy prophet.

So our treatment of our children should be a reflection of how lovingly and patiently our heavenly Father has dealt with us. Our heavenly Father has exercised great patience with us. He has “from the heart” forgiven us of a debt we could never repay.

This is written directly to us and for us:

Mat 18:23 Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.
Mat 18:24 And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.
Mat 18:25 But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.
Mat 18:26 The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
Mat 18:27 Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.

God strengthens us when we are so weak, and through His patience and His strength He brings us to true repentance.

In our study today, we will see that God wants us to show the physical children with whom He has blessed us, that same patient, forgiving and loving spirit that He has shown toward us.

Christ never disagreed with His Father, and husbands and wives in like manner must never be seen to be disagreeing with each other in the presence of their children. Such an example is devastating to children, and they will reflect your actions in their own lives, and they will just naturally exploit any differences they detect between their parents. So set your children a Godly example, and never allow them to see you at odds with your spouse. As we should do in almost every circumstance, it is best to discuss all your differences in private and to present a united front before your children.

Abraham is revealed to be but a type and shadow of Christ (Gal 3:29). As such we are told this about how Christ is working with us if indeed we are His:

Gen 18:19 For I know [Abraham], that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.

If Christ is living within any physical father “he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD”.

Here are just a few of the verses we will be considering in this study on how we should be “bringing up our children in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord”:

This one is twice repeated by the apostle Paul:

Eph 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Col 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

But Christ’s way is narrow, so we are also told:

Pro 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

A child that is given discipline from the beginning will be well behaved from the beginning. Sandi began disciplining all of our children when they began teething, and would inadvertently bite with those new teeth while they were nursing. That of course is totally intolerable behavior to let be established as a habit. She only had to flip the child on the cheek. and the biting stopped before it became a habit. The baby would burst out crying, but it learned very quickly not to bite while nursing.

That is exactly what we are told God does to us:

Tit 2:11 For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men,
Tit 2:12 Teaching [Greek: paideuo – chastening] us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world

Rom 5:20 Moreover the law entered, that the offence might abound. But where sin abounded, grace [God’s chastening] did much more abound:

Heb 12:6 For whom the Lord love he chastens, and scourges every son whom he loves.

Bad habits like temper tantrums cannot develop unless they are tolerated the first time. Do not tolerate your children ever the first time sassing you, or ever telling their siblings that they hate each other. If you do not permit the first incident to go unpunished, then you will not have to worry about any subsequent temper tantrums. There will always be the temptation for children to lose their tempers with their siblings and even with their parents. If there is pain inflicted at the beginning, that habit will never take hold, and there will be respect within the family, and there will be a peaceful, functional family.

Here is the scripture that reveals this principle:

Ecc 8:11 Because sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil.

Never ever, the first time, allow yourself to make an empty threat. If you say it, mean it and carry it out “speedily”. Children know who you are, and if you are not a man of your word they know it, and they will just naturally exploit that weakness. “…Therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil” is the Truth, whether we believe it or not.

We covered the proper use of “the rod of correction” last week, and when it is properly applied it will be done in love with the good and the welfare of the child always in view. Never open your mouth to your children unless you mean what you say. When you do say anything to that child, mean it, and do it. If you tell your child you will take him camping, then carry through with that promise. Try never to let your children down, and make it clear that you are a man or woman of your word.

That principle also applies when it comes to discipline. Discipline is what “the grace of God” does. God let’s the prodigal son think he is going his own way, but the Truth is that the desire to get out from under Dad’s rules is the work of an evil spirit sent to us from our heavenly Father (1Sa 16:14). Then He has it already written in our book that we will waste our substance. Then He sends a famine that causes that prodigal son to have to feed swine for a living. It is nothing less than the chastening hand of his loving, heavenly Father, who will not tolerate rebellion or being disrespected.

Mat 7:21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.

Luk 6:46 And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?

Yes indeed, God is sovereign, but the single-minded purpose and desire of God’s sovereign actions is to chasten us to forsake ungodliness and worldly lusts, and to live righteously in this present age.

Job 23:13 But he is in one mind, and who can turn him? and what his soul desireth, even that he doeth.

Making the Biblical way even narrower, we are told that “the rod of correction” ought never be used to the extent that it discourages God’s children. We all need the discipline of ‘the rod of correction’, but equally important to all children is for their parents to provide encouragement for them. Here is what God told Moses to do with Joshua when it was revealed that Moses would not be leading Israel into the promised land:

Deu 1:38 But Joshua the son of Nun, which standeth before thee, he shall go in thither: encourage him: for he shall cause Israel to inherit [the land].

Two chapters later the holy spirit sees fit to repeat this instruction to Moses to let us know just how important an admonition to all of us this matter of encouraging each other and our children is:

Deu 3:28 But charge Joshua, and encourage him, and strengthen him: for he shall go over before this people, and he shall cause them to inherit the land which thou shalt see.

Encouragement is strengthening. There is not, nor has there ever been a man or woman who did not come to a time in his or her life when he needed to be encouraged and strengthened. That includes our Lord Himself who came to this earth in the same weak, sinful flesh with which you and I are constructed.

Heb 2:14 Forasmuch then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, he also himself likewise took part of the same; that through death he might destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil;

Heb 2:16 For verily he took not on him the nature of angels; but he took on him the seed of Abraham.

Twice we are told our Lord had to be encouraged and strengthened to bear the weight of the trial He endured. The first was at the very beginning of His ministry when the adversary offered to relieve Christ from the yoke of the cross, if only our Lord would bow down and worship the adversary and take the easy way out.

You and I are enduring that same temptation. Look at how our heavenly Father encouraged and strengthened His Son while He was yet in a body of weak flesh and blood:

Mat 4:8 Again, the devil taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and sheweth him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them;
Mat 4:9 And saith unto him, All these things will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me.
Mat 4:10 Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.
Mat 4:11 Then the devil leaveth him, and, behold, angels came and ministered unto him.

The last encouragement was at the very end of our Lord’s ministry, when Christ was staring the cross and death in the face in the Garden of Gethsemane.

Luk 22:41 And he was withdrawn from them about a stone’s cast, and kneeled down, and prayed,
Luk 22:42 Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.
Luk 22:43 And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him.
Luk 22:44 And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground.
When Christ needed strength, His Father ministered to that need. That is what we are to do for those God gives to us.

Little children in particular desperately crave and need encouragement. When my children were very young I used to jokingly tell them, ‘You deserve a pat on the head’, when they would do something really good. I remember going fishing with them once when my oldest son caught a bass which, if I remember right, weighed about two pounds. It was the first fish he had ever caught, and he was so proud of himself. I remember him asking me, ‘Daddy, don’t I deserve a pat on the head?’ I assured him that he did indeed deserve a pat on the head, and I even gave him a big hug to go with his pat on the head. That might sound like an insignificant thing to you or me, but that was a very important thing to that little boy at that moment.

It doesn’t matter how many degrees you have after your name, any man who thinks it is unhealthy for a mother or a father to recognize the accomplishments of their own children with a hug, a kiss and a pat on the head when they take another step in life, is simply lacking common sense. Children crave the approval of their parents, and any Godly parent will be looking for every opportunity to shower that approval upon a child who is seeking to please his or her parents.

God did just that with His Son, and we have record of Him doing so twice:

Mat 3:16 And Jesus, when he was baptized, went up straightway out of the water: and, lo, the heavens were opened unto him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, and lighting upon him:
Mat 3:17 And lo a voice from heaven, saying, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.

Mat 17:5 While he yet spake, behold, a bright cloud overshadowed them: and behold a voice out of the cloud, which said, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased; hear ye him.

Never fail to praise and encourage you children. It makes for a very happy family and a happy marriage. If you see your child has a strong suit give that child the opportunity to demonstrate that strength just for the purpose of encouraging and strengthening him or her. Never under any circumstance ever mock and discourage your child because of his faults and weaknesses. Mocking our children’s weaknesses and their bad behavior serves only to provoke them to anger, and it encourages them to continue in their bad behavior. At the same time it discourages the child from striving to please his or her parents.

As was quoted before, God has two times inspired these words for our admonition:

Eph 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Col 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

Let’s compare the admonitions in those two verses with those two verses in Deuteronomy we read earlier:

Deu 1:38 But Joshua the son of Nun, which standeth before thee, he shall go in thither: encourage him: for he shall cause Israel to inherit it.

Deu 3:28 But charge Joshua, and encourage him, and strengthen him: for he shall go over before this people, and he shall cause them to inherit the land which thou shalt see.

Putting the sum of these verses together we are to “nurture and admonish [our children] lest they be discouraged”. We are to “encourage and strengthen them… to inherit the land” which is the kingdom of God within (Luk 17:20-21). The explicit implication is that if they are not encouraged and strengthened they will not “inherit the land”.

Why are fathers told “provoke not your children to wrath”? The answer, as a YouTube video which our brother Tom shared with us demonstrates, that is exactly what we fathers tend to do to our children. Here is the link to that video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Td8NDwFDmp8

This father is mocking his six year old daughter by lip syncing her temper tantrum. The entire family is laughing while he mocks his daughter’s completely uncontrolled temper tantrum. The fact that he anticipates and lip syncs her every scream demonstrates that he and his family have been enduring and encouraging this out-of-control behavior for quite some time.

I read subsequent news stories referring to this video and suggesting that this father might be nominated for “Best father of the year” because of the unique way he handles his six year old daughter’s temper tantrums. The fact is, this father is doing exactly what the holy spirit admonishes us not to do, and he get accolades from the world for doing so. It always amazed me that on the TV program, America’s Funniest Home Videos, the video the audience voted winner so many times was a misbehaving, rebellious, out-of-control child. No father who knows that “foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him” would ever countenance provoking his daughter, and thereby encouraging her to continue her tantrum in this manner. This father and all who laud his methods are demonstrating their ignorance of what the holy spirit tells us about the proper use of the rod of correction, the need to encourage our children and the need to be careful never to provoke them to anger because of its discouraging and destructive effect upon our precious children.

What that little six year old girl needs is to be taken to her room and have “the rod of correction” applied to her posterior. Then after she is given time to cry herself out, and it is important to do that – to give a child time to stop sobbing – then she needs to be given the nurture and admonition of the Lord. That “admonition of the Lord” should include the fact that the Lord “chastens us to forsake ungodliness” (Tit 2:11-12). She needs to be told why she will not be permitted to disrupt the family, and exactly why she is not being given what she wants. Then she, and any child with a temper, needs to be given the following “admonition[s] of the Lord” followed by a loving hug to let the child know he/she is still loved:

Pro 14:17 He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly: and a man of wicked devices is hated.

Pro 14:29 He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly.

Pro 15:18 A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.

Pro 16:32 He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.

But “the admonition[s] of the Lord” also extend to us parents who are instructed against provoking our children to wrath while they are having a temper tantrum. Temper tantrums are not to be tolerated. If you doubt that statement just read what Christ did to Israel every time they threw a temper tantrum in the wilderness. Here is but one example of many:

Num 16:32 And the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed them up, and their houses, and all the men that appertained unto Korah, and all their goods.
Num 16:33 They, and all that appertained to them, went down alive into the pit, and the earth closed upon them: and they perished from among the congregation.
Num 16:34 And all Israel that were round about them fled at the cry of them: for they said, Lest the earth swallow us up also.
Num 16:35 And there came out a fire from the LORD, and consumed the two hundred and fifty men that offered incense.

When Israel’s temper tantrum continued the very next day, in this same chapter, this is how the Lord reacted to Israel’s stubbornness:

Num 16:41 But on the morrow all the congregation of the children of Israel murmured against Moses and against Aaron, saying, Ye have killed the people of the LORD.
Num 16:42 And it came to pass, when the congregation was gathered against Moses and against Aaron, that they looked toward the tabernacle of the congregation: and, behold, the cloud covered it, and the glory of the LORD appeared.
Num 16:43 And Moses and Aaron came before the tabernacle of the congregation.
Num 16:44 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
Num 16:45 Get you up from among this congregation, that I may consume them as in a moment. And they fell upon their faces.
Num 16:46 And Moses said unto Aaron, Take a censer, and put fire therein from off the altar, and put on incense, and go quickly unto the congregation, and make an atonement for them: for there is wrath gone out from the LORD; the plague is begun.
Num 16:47 And Aaron took as Moses commanded, and ran into the midst of the congregation; and, behold, the plague was begun among the people: and he put on incense, and made an atonement for the people.
Num 16:48 And he stood between the dead and the living; and the plague was stayed.
Num 16:49 Now they that died in the plague were fourteen thousand and seven hundred, beside them that died about the matter of Korah.
Num 16:50 And Aaron returned unto Moses unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation: and the plague was stayed.

The punishment was first just the death of the 250 rebels. The punishment for continued stubbornness was fourteen thousand seven hundred. That is more than 58 X 250. The scriptures are not advocating that we kill our stubborn, rebellious children. The deaths of the rebellious in the Old Testament represent and typify the death of our old man. God’s wrath, His anger, was not out of control. It was measured, and it was for the good of Israel. It happened to them and it is written for our admonition, so we will know what is the fruit of throwing a temper tantrum with God, and so we will know not to tolerate temper tantrums from our own children.

1Co 10:11 But, these things, by way of type, were happening unto them, and were written with a view to our admonition, unto whom, the ends of the ages, have reached along. (REV)

The deaths of all of those who died in this plague, just as the deaths of all who died in the wilderness, are “by way of type[s]” of how we are to deal with “…everything that breathes” as “everything that breaths” pertains to our stubborn, rebellious, carnal-minded, old man. We are not to make deals with, or in any way tolerate his ways, and as that applies to child rearing, we do not negotiate with our children. We are to lead them by example, we are to show them the results of disobedience, and when needed we are to maintain order in the home by using “the rod of correction”, until they are able to make proper decisions on their own. The ability to know good from evil is not an inherent part of human nature regardless of how many secular child psychologists think otherwise:

Isa 7:16 For before the child shall know to refuse the evil, and choose the good, the land that thou abhorrest shall be forsaken of both her kings.

Jer 17:9 The heart is [just naturally] deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

Jer 18:4 And the vessel that he made of clay was marred [“desperately wicked”] in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it.

Here “by way of type”, is how we are to deal with our carnal-minded, old man:

Deu 20:16 But of the cities of these people, which the LORD thy God doth give thee for an inheritance, thou shalt save alive nothing that breatheth:

God has taken the time to show us the results of our temper tantrums against Him and His ways, and He has instructed us to be on our guard against the natural inclination we all have to act as the father in that YouTube video, which leads only to more of the same and to discouraging a child from even attempting to please his or her parents.

Col 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

It takes the manufacturer Himself to make that connection for us. Provoking our children to wrath discourages them. While “the rod of correction [and] the admonition of the Lord” teaches them what works and what does not work.

If all a child ever hears is the word ‘No!’ without the benefit of godly admonition as to why he is being told ‘No!’, it simply provokes a child to want what he is told he cannot have, or to do what he is told he is not to do. Sandi always told our children ‘No, hot’ when they wanted to touch a hot stove, or touch hot food, or pull a pan of hot grease off the stove onto themselves. But she knew enough to first let each child stick its finger into her hot cup of coffee, knowing it would not maim the child, but they would learn the meaning of the word ‘hot’. After that the child reaching to touch something that would cause great pain or scarring would hear the word ‘hot’ and immediately draw back. The child would never have known to quickly draw back from a real danger such as a hot stove or pan of hot grease without experiencing that small pain first. If all a child hears is ‘no, no, no’ they have no knowledge imparted to them to realize danger to themselves or to something them may be wrongly reaching for.

But be it known unto you, there are many spiritual lessons which even after years of proper child-rearing, your children must learn by cruel experience. That prodigal son we read about earlier is you and me, first, but it is also your children and my children. Our children at their very best are still beasts as we all are, and as such our children will disappoint us just as we have so sorely disappointed our own parents and our own heavenly Father, our God. The story of the prodigal son is not the story of some exceptionally bad ne’er-do-well child of some unfortunate parents. The story of the prodigal son is the story of every one of us (Luk 15:11-32), and it is the story of our own children. It is part of the “one event” which is “common to all” of Ecclesiastes 9:

Ecc 9:2 All things come alike to all: there is one event to the righteous, and to the wicked; to the good and to the clean, and to the unclean; to him that sacrificeth, and to him that sacrificeth not: as is the good, so is the sinner; and he that sweareth, as he that feareth an oath.

Christ experienced that same disappointment. It is the story of how we all disappoint our Lord, and it is the story of how our own children will also disappoint us.

On the night of His apprehension by the Jews, Christ already knows He is facing an excruciating death by crucifixion within mere hours, and He informs his disciples of the mental anguish He is enduring, and He asks them to watch with Him:

Mat 26:38 Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me.

But when He returns from His prayers, asking His Father if there is not another way, this is what he discovers:

Luk 22:45 And when he rose up from prayer, and was come to his disciples, he found them sleeping for sorrow,
Luk 22:46 And said unto them, Why sleep ye? rise and pray, lest ye enter into temptation.

Christ is the father of His children. We are His children, and His disciples are merely types of us and of our children. The disappointment of finding His disciples asleep was just the beginning of how they were about to let Him down that night. Here is what happened next:

Mat 26:55 In that same hour said Jesus to the multitudes, Are ye come out as against a thief with swords and staves for to take me? I sat daily with you teaching in the temple, and ye laid no hold on me.
Mat 26:56 But all this was done, that the scriptures of the prophets might be fulfilled. Then all the disciples forsook him, and fled.

This applies to our children also. Our children forsake us every time they turn their backs on what we have taught them straight out of the Word of God, and if you still think your children will not disappoint you, just look at what Christ had to witness next. I will quote both Matthew and Luke to give us the full picture of how our children will be pressured by this world to deny us and what we have taught them:

Mat 26:67 Then did they spit in his face, and buffeted him; and others smote him with the palms of their hands,
Mat 26:68 Saying, Prophesy unto us, thou Christ, Who is he that smote thee?
Mat 26:69 Now Peter sat without in the palace: and a damsel came unto him, saying, Thou also wast with Jesus of Galilee.
Mat 26:70 But he denied before them all, saying, I know not what thou sayest.
Mat 26:71 And when he was gone out into the porch, another maid saw him, and said unto them that were there, This fellow was also with Jesus of Nazareth.
Mat 26:72 And again he denied with an oath, I do not know the man.
Mat 26:73 And after a while came unto him they that stood by, and said to Peter, Surely thou also art one of them; for thy speech bewrayeth thee.
Mat 26:74 Then began he to curse and to swear, saying, I know not the man. And immediately the cock crew.
Mat 26:75 And Peter remembered the word of Jesus, which said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice. And he went out, and wept bitterly.

Now look at one detail Luke adds in his account:

Luk 22:60 And Peter said, Man, I know not what thou sayest. And immediately, while he yet spake, the cock crew.
Luk 22:61 And the Lord turned, and looked upon Peter. And Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice.
Luk 22:62 And Peter went out, and wept bitterly.

Don’t you know that Christ was looking with great compassion and mercy upon His poor weak child. Sure He was disappointed, but He knew His son, Peter could not resist the pressure of standing up for Him and His doctrine without the spirit of God, which was not even made available to Peter at this time. The Lord knew the burning, bitter torment that was in Peter’s heart, “and the Lord turned and looked upon Peter, and Peter remembered the word of the Lord… and went out and wept bitterly”.

Let none of us ever be guilty of provoking our children to wrath, and thereby discouraging them from even wanting to please us as their parents. Rather let us always take every opportunity to encourage and strengthen our children who crave our approval.

Let the husbands and wives of the body of Christ, be of one mind when it comes to the rearing of their children, and let us always present the united front of that one mind to our children, and never let them see us, their parents arguing in the presence of our children.

Let us do what our Lord tells us to do, and ignore the writings and opinions of men. If we are give to do that then the way of peace within our families we will know and we will reap the joy of knowing the peace of our Lord’s one mind and His ways.

Because there is yet so much to be said about the blessings of being a nonconformist, next week we will deal with teaching our children how to deal with living their lives not ‘conforming to the ways of the world’. We will consider what the scriptures reveal about not following the multitude to do evil, and how we should teach our children to deal with the trials of not esteeming one day above another, by not observing ‘days, months, times and year’, which is one of the strongest trials they will usually face when they are in public school.

Marriage in Scripture – Part 5

Bring… Up [Your Children] In The Nurture And Admonition of The Lord. (Part One)

This is a series on marriage, and nothing is more natural for a married couple than to produce children and have a family. Family life, when it is Biblically functional, is good for all who are part of that family.  As a part of a family, as children we learn that we are not the center of the universe, which is how we will just naturally act if left to ourselves. But in a nurturing family we are not left to ourselves. A parent learns to be considerate first of your spouse, and then as a parent, you must provide for the needs of your children when they appear on the scene.

When we speak of the needs of a child, we are not simply referring to the physical needs of food and shelter. Children need so much more than just physical food and shelter. In our last study we discussed how any man who does not provide for the needs of his own wife and children ‘has denied the faith and is worse than an infidel.’ In our study today we will see that the scriptures make it clear that children also need love, and we will see that love is not love if there is not discipline within the family.

But discipline must also be done in love, and never, ever out of uncontrolled anger. God is our Father, and as parents we are gods to our children. Here is what God told Moses concerning those He was placing under Moses to discipline them and to, in type and in shadow, begin destroy the old man within them:

Exo 7:1  And the LORD said unto Moses, See, I have made thee a god to Pharaoh: and Aaron thy brother shall be thy prophet.

Nothing better describes a new-born child than a self-centered Pharaoh who thinks he rules the whole world. We are all born as little, demanding self-centered beasts who want what we want when we want it. We don’t even know we are that way, but being completely self-centered is as natural as breathing.

Now at this time, Israel is still under Pharaoh, and as the type of the new man who is being formed within us Israel typifies a child who continues to receive discipline, even after he comes out of the “iron furnace” of the darkness of the womb that is typified by our time in Egypt, where all of our needs are met by our mother Egypt’s spiritual umbilical cord:

Deu 4:20  But the LORD hath taken you, and brought you forth out of the iron furnace, even out of Egypt, to be unto him a people of inheritance, as ye are this day. Num 11:4  And the mixt multitude that was among them fell a lusting: and the children of Israel also wept again, and said, Who shall give us flesh to eat? Num 11:5  We remember the fish, which we did eat in Egypt freely; the cucumbers, and the melons, and the leeks, and the onions, and the garlick:

As Ishmael, Esau and Absalom all demonstrate, the children of God’s typical elect are first the seed of the serpent before they will become the seed of the woman.

1Co 15:46  Howbeit that was not first which is spiritual, but that which is natural; and afterward that which is spiritual.

This verse and this principle applies within all men. God’s elect are but the first in whom it is revealed as being fulfilled in their lives. What that means is that God’s chastening grace does its purging, chastening work within them first, and later through His firstfruits that same mercy and grace are shown to all.

Rom 11:30  For as ye in times past have not believed God, yet have now obtained mercy through their unbelief:  Rom 11:31  Even so have these also now not believed, that through your mercy they also may obtain mercy. 

We are all saved by grace through faith:

Eph 2:8  For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:

We are even told that where sin abounds grace much more abounds:

Rom 5:20  Moreover the law entered, that the offence might abound. But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound:

We are all under the law before we come to be under grace through faith:

Gal 3:23  But before faith came, we were kept under the law, shut up unto the faith which should afterwards be revealed.

Any parent who is worth his or her salt will keep the children under the laws of the house until that child is ready to leave home. There can be only one head in any house, and children who are not made aware of that fact can and will make life miserable for the family who does not know that fact.

So what are we being told by “where sin abounds grace did much more abound”? Some people are so uninformed about the function of grace that they actually believe that if we sin God will bless us for being sinners. It is as if they believe that if we commit adultery God will shower His grace upon us and bless our lives in spite of our adulterous ways. And then if we add murder to our adultery, God will bless us even more, because we are told that His love is unconditional and “where sin abounds, grace does much more abound”. Does that statement in Rom 5:20 actually mean that if we disobey God a little we will get a little grace and when we disobey God much we get more grace? The answer is, yes indeed, that is exactly what it means, but not in the way we used to believe. Grace does not condone ungodliness and worldly lusts, rather grace chastens us to forsake those unrestrained, childish ways and repent and bring forth fruits for repentance. The chastening part of that grace will increase as needed for our ‘abounding’ sins.

The two false doctrines of greasy grace combined with false doctrine of God’s unconditional love have robbed many of knowing God and His Son, neither of whom will tolerate either physical or spiritual ungodliness and worldly lusts.

Let’s consider what the scriptures actually say about God’s free gift of grace and what is His love.

Here is what the scriptures teach us is the function of grace in the life of the true believer:

Tit 2:11  For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, Tit 2:12  Teaching [Greek – paideuo, chastening] us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world;

Grace is a free gift because God chastens us without charge to forsake ungodliness and worldly lusts, and to live sober, righteous and godly lives in this present age. Where stubborn, rebellious sin persists, God’s chastening grace will indeed “much more abound”. It isn’t even a contest. God will win that war with every single person (1Co 15:22). So much for the doctrine of greasy grace.

This is what the scriptures actually teach is the Biblical love of God:

Mat 7:21  Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.  1Jn 2:17  And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.

Saying “Lord, Lord” is not good enough to enter into the kingdom of heaven. Only those who “do the will of [our] Father which is in heaven”.

Obedience to God is biblically the very definition of the love of God:

Rom 11:20  Well; because of unbelief they were broken off, and thou standest by faith. Be not highminded, but fear:  Rom 11:21  For if God spared not the natural branches, take heed lest he also spare not thee.  1Jn 5:2  By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God, and keep his commandments.  1Jn 5:3  For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.

“Fear… take heed lest He also spare not you”. So much for the false doctrine that God’s love is unconditional, and He will accept us ‘just as we are’ in lives of sin and shame. It is in His love and His mercy that our heavenly Father, through Christ’s words working within our hearts and minds, ‘chastens us to forsake ungodliness and worldly lusts and to live righteous lives in this present age’. Enabling us and blessing us while we remain in our dying, sinful state is not “the love of God”. Such a doctrine leads to death, and Christ came to destroy death with His chastening grace.

1Co 15:26  The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.  Heb 2:14  Forasmuch then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, he also himself likewise took part of the same; that through death he might destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil;

Both Testaments make clear that the father is the head of the family. Husbands are to be the head of the home and family, both physically and spiritually. “The father to the children shall make known [God’s] Truth”, which ‘Truth’ is Christ and His doctrine. Husbands, and fathers, as leaders do not cede the teaching of the children to Babylonian wives who may not even believe the Truth given to those who know Christ and His Father.

Isa 38:18  For the grave cannot praise thee, death can not celebrate thee: they that go down into the pit cannot hope for thy truth. Isa 38:19  The living, the living, he shall praise thee, as I do this day: the father to the children shall make known thy truth.  1Co 7:14  For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.  1Co 11:3  But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. 1Co 11:8  For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. 1Co 11:9  Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. Eph 5:22  Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

Not all couples are “of one mind” in Christ. A converted spouse should be teaching his or her children the truth as it is understood. Having Christ makes even a converted woman to be her unconverted spouse’s spiritual leader; not necessarily in a verbal, outward way, but “without the word” so the scripture is fulfilled.

1Pe 3:1  Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation [the way of life] of the wives;

God gave your children to both of you. If you can influence your spouse to follow Christ then do so, but never forfeit teaching the Truth of God to an unbelieving spouse. Husbands and wives in Christ are commissioned to “make known [God’s] Truth… to the children”. “Without the word” mean by example. Solomon did not set a godly example for His household, and his pagan, Babylonian wives turned his heart away from the truth of God to the false doctrines of the gods of his wives.

With all of this firmly in mind, here are the verses which will be the foundation for this study concerning the importance of a married couple agreeing in advance to be of the same mind when it comes to rearing and disciplining children in a family. If you and your spouse cannot agree to these inspired words, before you begin a family, you are asking for trouble which will surely find you:

Pro 13:24  He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.  Pro 19:18  Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying. Pro 23:13  Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Pro 23:14  Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.

The word ‘rod’ is translated from the Hebrew word ‘shebet‘ and is better translated as a switch rather than a solid rod, which conveys the concept of a inflexible wooden or metallic rod, and implies being beaten with a blunt object. That is not what the scriptures teach.

Here is how Strong’s defines this word translated ‘rod’:

H7626 שׁבט shêbeṭ shay’-bet From an unused root probably meaning to branch off; a scion, that is, (literally) a stick (for punishing, writing, fighting, ruling, walking, etc.) or (figuratively) a clan: –  X correction, dart, rod, sceptre, staff, tribe.

This ‘rod’ with which we told to “beat” our children, is simply speaking of a switching or a paddling or a spanking with a ‘rod’. It is intended to bring enough pain that the child will never again want to disobey his or her parents, but it is never to be so severe as to inflict any permanent injury.

Discipline should be done in private, if at all possible. It should be done while the parent is in complete control of himself or herself, and in complete control of the child who is to be disciplined. Parents ought never humiliate a child in the presence of other family members or in the presence of the child’s friends. This takes great discipline, but just as parents ought never to argue in the presence of their children, neither should they discipline children in the presence of their friends. I have seen parents ‘show off’ their disciplining of their children by publicly railing at them or spanking them in front of fellow church members.

There may be times when immediate discipline in the presence of others is demanded because of the urgency of the situation, but such times are very rare and should be the exception. A child about to step out in front of a car after having just been told to stay by Daddy’s or Mommy’s side may be such an example.

This principle of chastening by necessity being a very physically painful experience is reaffirmed in both Testaments:

Pro 3:11  My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of his correction: Pro 3:12  For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth. Heb 12:5  And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: Heb 12:6  For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. Heb 12:7  If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?

Where is there any room for the devastating false doctrines of greasy grace or unconditional love in any of those verses of scripture? I am well aware that those words sound completely Neanderthal to the ears of anyone who still subscribes to the equivocating double talk of the anti-authoritarian writings of the famous Dr. Benjamin Spock concerning child rearing. Dr. Spock’s  book Baby and Child Care was published in 1946 and became the virtual Bible on child rearing in the secular world for several decades. While his defenders resent his teaching being labeled as permissive, that has nevertheless been the result of his anti-authoritarian philosophy on the structure and function of the American family and many other families around this world.

Dr. Spock’s philosophy stood in stark contrast to the writings of another earlier, very popular child psychologist, Dr. John B. Watson, who discouraged parents, especially mothers, from showing any affection at all towards their children. It is believed by many that Dr. Spock’s anti-authoritarian philosophy was in reaction and in rebellion against his own authoritarian parents and the authoritarian philosophy he worked under during his first ten years as a pediatrician working in hospitals with children who had be treated and were being raised in homes under the influence of the philosophy of Dr. John B. Watson.

Here is a quote from Dr. Watson’s book entitled Psychological Care of Infant and Child:

I have witnessed family members who have not seen each other sometimes for months or years, and when they finally meet again, the most affection they can muster is just a handshake. This story in Luke 15 must sound perverted to such staid and stiff families.

Luk 15:20  And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. 

What a sad choice to have to make between these two completely devastating, totally nonbiblical doctrines of these two carnal men. Neither of these men had any Biblical, Godly basis for their theories of how we should deal with our children. The only thing they apparently agreed on is that the Bible has no place in teaching us how we should handle the training and upbringing of our children. The philosophies of these two men are merely the two extremes of what happens when we leave the Word of God, the Manufacturer’s manual, out of our thoughts and considerations about how we are to handle, care for and maintain the Manufacturer’s product, which is mankind and the children of mankind.

Dr. Spock’s philosophy was diametrically opposed to Dr. Watson’s, and is revealed at the very beginning of his book where he assures mothers “You know more than you think you do”. Those words coming off the pen of a man who admits that he is not religious, simply set the stage for the rest of his very ambivalent philosophy, which never denies the need for discipline, rather just refers to spanking as being “poisonous”.

Here is a quote from Dr. Spock’s Baby and Childcare, 1976 Edition, Section 528 on Managing Young Children: Discipline, page 373:

This man’s books sold more copies than any other book, second only to the Bible, for many years. It is reported that there have been over 90 million copies of Dr. Spock’s Baby and Childcare sold world wide. His assumption that children are just naturally good creatures who simply need understanding and encouragement, and at times a little gentle direction, is what is believed to this day in the secular world of child psychology. Such a humanistic doctrine stands in stark contrast to the Truth, which is:

Ecc 3:18  I said in mine heart concerning the estate of the sons of men, that God might manifest them, and that they might see that they themselves are beasts.

…and:

Jer 17:9  The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

These words apply to every child that has ever been born. Neither we nor any of our children are an exception to what is the sad truth concerning the beastly nature of the seed of the first man Adam.

My father was grown and married and had a family before Dr. Spock wrote his very influential opinions about child rearing. Fortunately for my siblings and me, our father never bought into either of those extremes. While my father no doubt leaned toward the side of corporal punishment, it is clear from the fruits of our permissive society that being too lenient is no less of a burden to society than being too strict. But extremes are not where God dwells. God’s way is the narrow way which is neither too heavy on discipline, and is never permissive or anti-authoritarian. As we saw so clearly above, God speaks with authority, and He expects His creatures to fear to disobey Him:

Mat 7:29  For he taught them as one having authority, and not as the scribes. Luk 12:5  But I will forewarn you whom ye shall fear: Fear him, which after he hath killed hath power to cast into hell; yea, I say unto you, Fear him.  Rom 11:20  Well; because of unbelief they were broken off, and thou standest by faith. Be not highminded, but fear:  Rom 11:21  For if God spared not the natural branches, take heed lest he also spare not thee. 

God has subjected His own creatures to vanity, but He has done so for the express purpose of redeeming them from that state.

Rom 8:20  For the creature was made subject to vanity, not willingly, but by reason of him who hath subjected the same in hope, Gal 3:13  Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it is written, Cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree: 1Pe 1:18  Forasmuch as ye know that ye were not redeemed with corruptible things, as silver and gold, from your vain conversation received by tradition from your fathers; 1Pe 1:19  But with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot:

This vain composition of Rom 8:20 is what physical newborns are. “They themselves are beasts”. The very beginning of the redemption from that beastly nature is foreshadowed by being disciplined and being physically spanked by our physical parents, who, as Moses was to carnal Pharaoh, are gods to us as carnal children, until we are able to begin to understand the concept of a sovereign, invisible God.

Here is what the holy spirit has inspired to be written for our benefit concerning proper child rearing in the New Testament:

Eph 6:1  Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Col 3:20  Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.

Children are commanded to “obey your parents in the Lord… in all things”, but God expects parents to make that obedience stick, “not willingly, [on the part of the child] but in hope…” on the parents’ part, just as God is dealing with His own carnal children.

Paul reveals to us in the book of Galatians that Abraham is an Old Testament type of Christ:

Gal 3:29 And if ye be Christ’s, then are ye Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.

So when we read:

Gen 18:19 For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.

We know that we, as the children of Abraham must do the very same thing with our children, both physical and spiritual.

Joh 8:39 They answered and said unto him, Abraham is our father. Jesus saith unto them, If ye were Abraham’s [Christ’s] children, ye would do the works of Abraham [Christ].

We will stop at this point and have a second part next week on how we should deal with our children. Christ is our Father, and He is our example. Next week we will see how Christ deals with our rebellious nature.

We are twice told “Fathers provoke not your children to wrath”, and we will see why we are given that commandment. We are also told parents are to encourage and strengthen their children, and are to be careful not to discourage their children.

Nothing makes a child feel better than having his parents’ approval, and nothing makes a child feel worse than knowing he has disappointed his parents. It is of utmost importance that we treat our children as we want Christ to deal with us and encourage and strengthen us when we are in need of encouragment and strength.

So it is of utmost importance that parents teach their children from their youth to be obedient, modest, quiet, and willing to be of service to others. Women who dress immodestly must expect their daughters to do the very same thing, and not be surprised when they reap the fruit of such an example.

Our next study will be dealing with the spiritual and psychological needs of our children. Here are but a few of the verses we will be considering in our next study on how we as parents should be ministering to, nurturing and bringing up our children in the admonition of the Lord”:

Deu 1:38  But Joshua the son of Nun, which standeth before thee, he shall go in thither: encourage him: for he shall cause Israel to inherit it. Deu 3:28  But charge Joshua, and encourage him, and strengthen him: for he shall go over before this people, and he shall cause them to inherit the land which thou shalt see. Eph 6:4  And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  Col 3:21  Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. Pro 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. 1Ti 2:9  In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;