Marriage in Scripture – Part 9

Anger Rests In The Bosom of Fools

[Study Aired May 4, 2014]

Ecc 7:9  Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.

Uncontrolled anger in a marriage is destructive at best and can become deadly at worst. All anger is the result of frustrated self will, and regardless of the apparent source of the frustration, when we are frustrated at anything, in the end we are frustrated only with God who is “working all things after the counsel of His own will” (Eph 1:11).

So I hope no one listening fails to understand that when we allow ourselves to become angry with our spouse to the point of becoming frustrated and out of control, as hard as it is to accept and to acknowledge, we are contending with, reproving, and condemning God Himself, who is working this very trying circumstance in our life. That is the truth of the matter whether it is a wife whose husband is the offending partner, or if it is the husband whose wife is the offending party. Even if both spouses are the offending parties, God is working circumstances to reveal all the “wood, hay and stubble” and all the “tares” which are growing in the Lord’s field within us.

1Co 3:12  Now if any man build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble;
1Co 3:13  Every man’s work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man’s work of what sort it is.
1Co 3:14  If any man’s work abide which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a reward.
1Co 3:15  If any man’s work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire.
1Co 3:16  Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? 
1Co 3:17  If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.

The next time you become upset with your spouse, just consider the truth that is revealed in these verses of scripture, and if there is any of the fear of God within you, it will help you to “be angry and sin not”. These are verses with which we are all very familiar, and yet when it comes to dealing with our spouses, we completely forget what is taking place and who it is who is “work[ing]… all these things” as we are told in:

Isa 45:6  That they may know from the rising of the sun, and from the west, that there is none beside me. I am the LORD, and there is none else.
Isa 45:7  I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things. 

Eph 1:11  In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will: 

Does not “all these things” include the actions of our spouse? Is it not God who has sent us our evil trials? If indeed ‘all things’ includes the things our spouse do, and if God has “created [the] evil” in our spouse, will we not be far better off to rule over the beast within who wants everything to operate according to our own will instead of having to endure these trials God is working in our marriages. Will we not be far more blessed if we rule over our own spirit, and speak rationally and firmly from the basis of the Word of God, rather than losing our tempers and shouting in anger at our spouse in the presence of God and our children.

Ideally children should never see or hear their parent having an argument. Arguments ought always to be done in private and away from the children. It is destructive to our children to let them witness discord between their parents. What children see, is what they think of as normal, and it is the responsibility of parents to set a good example for their children and to pass good values on to their children. That is the very essence of being a parent.

When we fail to rule our own spirit, we blaspheme the name of God among the heathen, but what a great witness we are when we are reviled and revile not again:

1Pe 2:21  For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps: 
1Pe 2:22  Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:
1Pe 2:23  Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:
1Pe 2:24  Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.

“In His own body” from a scriptural perspective, includes us:

 Col 1:24  Who now rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up that which is behind of the afflictions of Christ in my flesh for his body’s sake, which is the church: 

Rotherham’s properly includes the article in this verse:

Col 1:24  Now, am I rejoicing in the sufferings on your behalf, and am filling up the things that lack of the tribulations of the Christ, in my flesh, in behalf of his body, which is the assembly, 

We know we are to “fill up the afflictions of the Christ in [our own] flesh for his body’s sake”, and we pray to be able to do just that. Why then do we find it so hard to apply these words to the spouse the Lord has given us, the person who is supposed to typify Christ in our marriage, the one person who we are supposed to love above all else in this world?

The answer is that we do not yet fully understand or appreciate the fact that our own Savior is also the person who “creates evil” in our lives. We still are not comfortable with the fact that He is the “one lawgiver who is able to save and to destroy” and that it is He who sends us the trials which appear to be the work of our spouse.

Psa 90:3 Thou turnest man to destruction; and sayest, Return, ye children of men.

Jas 4:12  There is one lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy: who art thou that judgest another?

The weaknesses of our spouse are not to be condoned, but neither are they an excuse to lose our temper and place the responsibility of that sin, that fault, or that weakness upon our spouse. We are told that our own sins are not really our own. Rather our own sins are a work which our Savior works within us to bring us to see our desperate need for a Savior. These words apply to our spouse just as much as they apply to us:

Rom 7:17  Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. 
Rom 7:18  For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.
Rom 7:19  For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
Rom 7:20  Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
Rom 7:21  I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.
Rom 7:22  For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:
Rom 7:23  But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. 
Rom 7:24  O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? 
Rom 7:25  I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.

We know this is all true. We know “It is no longer I that [commits sins], but sin that dwells in me”. We know that our own sins are the work of the “law of sin which is in [our] members”. We know that our only hope of salvation is “through Christ Jesus our Lord”, and yet we struggle mightily to apply all of this knowledge to our mate who is supposed to be the type of Christ Himself in our marriage. Why can we not see that when we lose our temper at our spouse we are doing so at Christ Himself who gave us that spouse for the very purpose of giving us the lesson He is at that moment teaching us?

The positive application of anger

As is the case with every single human emotion, anger, in the sum of God’s Word, has both a positive and a negative application within the Word of God. The fact is that any true man or woman of God is commanded to be angry, and to control and properly direct his or her anger as our Lord did:

Eze 9:4  And the LORD said unto him, Go through the midst of the city, through the midst of Jerusalem, and set a mark upon the foreheads of the men that sigh and that cry for all the abominations that be done in the midst thereof.

Yes, it is entirely proper to “sigh and cry for all the abominations that be done in the midst” of our own homes. It is right and proper to deal in a patient spirit with the weakness and faults we see in our spouse. But it is never right or proper for any of those who name the name of Christ to be out of control of his or her temper in doing so, and any such correction or admonition should never, under any circumstance, be done in the presence of our children.

Here is the best example we will ever find of how we are supposed to be angry and sin not:

Mar 3:5  And when he had looked round about on them [the Pharisees] with anger, being grieved for the hardness of their hearts, he saith unto the man, Stretch forth thine hand. And he stretched it out: and his hand was restored whole as the other.

As the apostle Paul explains, our Savior wants us to also “be angry” when we see injustice and sin, and He wants us to “sigh and cry for all the abominations that be done in the midst [of His own people]”.

Eph 4:26  Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

“Be ye angry” is in the imperative mood, which means we are being commanded to ‘be angry’ when it is proper to do so. Christ was angry over the “hardness of their hearts” and the lack of faith of the Pharisees, but He did not let the sun go down on His anger, and He is our example. (1Pe 2:21)

But as is always the case the scriptures have much more to say about the abuse of the emotion of anger, than they have to say about its positive application, and as the apostle Paul makes us aware, it is upon those we love the most that we all too often vent our anger.

Jealous anger

The apostle Paul properly confesses to be jealous of the churches he was used to raise up:

2Co 11:2  For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ. 

But in this same epistle he also admits that he did not feel that the feeling was mutual:

2Co 12:15  And I will very gladly spend and be spent for you; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I be loved.

The Corinthian church had not yet learned that newlyweds have to accept the fact that they are no longer single, and they can no longer act as if they are single. Your friends can no longer spend time with you as if you aren’t even married. That is especially true of  friends of the opposite sex. No one, male or female, should be willing to share his or her spouse with his or her friends as if marriage makes no difference. Being married does make a difference, and it is right and proper for a spouse to be jealous of each other’s time and affections. Old boy friends and old girl friends are especially unwelcome within a marriage, and should not be tolerated as if being married makes no difference. If God is jealous of our affections, and is unwilling to share our thoughts and affections with false gods and false doctrines, then it is only proper that we should expect the same of ourselves and of our spouse:

Exo 20:5  Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;

Exo 34:14  For thou shalt worship no other god: for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God: 

Psa 79:5  How long, LORD? wilt thou be angry for ever? shall thy jealousy burn like fire? 

The answer to “shall your jealousy burn like fire?” is, yes it will indeed “burn like fire”, and we are warned to avoid making our own spouse jealous.

Son 8:6 Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave:the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.

It takes time to earn your spouse’s trust, so separate yourself from your old friends, male and female, for the sake of your spouse. Let the whole world know that he or she is now far more important to you than anyone else in this world.

1Sa 7:3  And Samuel spake unto all the house of Israel, saying, If ye do return unto the LORD with all your hearts, then put away the strange gods and Ashtaroth from among you, and prepare your hearts unto the LORD, and serve him only: and he will deliver you out of the hand of the Philistines.

Mat 4:10  Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve. 

Jas 1:8  A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. 

Jas 4:8  Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. 

We are not given these words of wisdom in the book of Proverbs for no reason:

Pro 6:34  For jealousy is the rage of a man: therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance.

Son 8:6  Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. 

When dealing with the “rage” of jealousy, it is right and proper to “be ye angry and sin not”. Speak to one another with restraint and patience. Acknowledge that this, too, is Christ Himself working this trial after the counsel of His own will, and “let not the sun go down upon your wrath”. You will not always succeed in doing so, but at least now we all see that the scriptures give us all these admonitions, and we at least now know that there is a proper place for jealousy, and we know what our Creator expects of us.

Anger because of a lack of consideration

It is quite natural for a husband to become angry with a wife who is not attuned to his requests and his desires. It is equally as natural for a wife to become angry with a husband who does not consider her or her wishes and desires in his decision making.

It would seem unnecessary to even have to mention it, but going out with anyone of the opposite sex is simply scripturally completely out of the question. Married men do not act as if they are single, and married women do not act as if they are still single. If you still think that sex outside of marriage is no big thing, then you are still in the deep pit of your own carnal lusts, and you still have the misery of being brought to your wits’ end ahead of you.

Psa 107:24  These see the works of the LORD, and his wonders in the deep. 
Psa 107:25  For he commandeth, and raiseth the stormy wind, which lifteth up the waves thereof.
Psa 107:26  They mount up to the heaven, they go down again to the depths: their soul is melted because of trouble.
Psa 107:27  They reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man, and are at their wits’ end. 

Do not spend any extended periods of time with anyone of the opposite sex, not even on the phone. If you do, you are courting disaster, and it will surely find you.

A man who decides to spend his weekend with his buddies and doesn’t first consult his wife about what she would like to do for the weekend is not a very considerate husband. Wives appreciate being considered when decisions affecting the whole family are being made. The same is true with men who ought to be the head of their home. What we ought to be striving to achieve is single-minded, mutual consideration, which is the essence and fruit of “be[ing] one flesh… [and] of the same mind”, within our marriages, just as we are, or should be, in our marriage to Christ.

Eph 5:24  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Eph 5:25  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

As husbands and wives in a marriage relationship, we are one and all the wife of Christ, and should be seeking to have His mind in everything. Having the mind of Christ, is the secret to true peace of mind. After giving us all the admonitions about how to have a functional and healthy physical marriage, the apostle Paul, in Ephesians 5, makes this statement:

Eph 5:32  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 

So we should all be seeking to think as Christ thinks, because Christ thinks as His Father thinks, and His Father is the manufacturer who knows how His creation best operates.

What Christ demonstrated for us was that He did nothing except what His Father sent Him to do. He sought to please His Father, and made His Father’s will the center of His life. If we do that with our mate, we will never plan a single day without consulting our mate and planning our day around our spouse. Men should never leave the house without first communicating with their wives and wives ought to always communicate with their husbands concerning their whereabouts. It should not be considered as a burden to do so. It should be a simple matter of consideration of one another and the oneness that ought to be the basis of a godly marriage.

But that simply is not what we first do. We are born as self-centered little beasts who cry out from birth demanding to be fed and clothed, and we aren’t even aware of what we are doing. If we are born into a family with brothers and sisters, we are forced to become aware of the fact that there actually are others in this universe whose needs and desires must also be considered. But even under the very best of circumstances, we are still self-centered beasts, who can become very upset and angry when we fail to get our way, or when we perceive ourselves as being ignored or taken for granted.

Those are just a few of the circumstances which will uncover the foolishness and shame of the anger that is within our flesh.

Here is a verse which lets us know just how important it is to be capable of containing our anger:

Pro 16:32  He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.

That is a truthful statement even if it is not considered to be true by a world that honors and worships the beast, who gets his power and throne from the dragon, who has “great wrath”.

Rev 12:12  Therefore rejoice, ye heavens, and ye that dwell in them. Woe to the inhabiters of the earth and of the sea! for the devil is come down unto you, having great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time.

The “great wrath” of the devil is within all of his children, which we all are by nature:

Joh 8:44 Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.

A man or a woman with a temper is contrasted in the scriptures with a man who is given to rule his spirit:

Pro 15:1  A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. 

Pro 15:18  A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.

A man or woman who cannot control his or her temper is working against his or her own interest. A person who submits himself to what God is doing in his life is quick to forgive others and to pass over their faults, weaknesses and transgressions:

Pro 19:11  The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression. 

A man of God is never on a witch hunt against others with “grievous words [that] stir up anger”. He is especially willing to hide the sins and transgressions of his own mate:

Jas 5:20  Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.

1Pe 4:8  And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins. 

Pro 17:9  He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.

It is especially foolish to lose your temper against anyone in authority:

Pro 20:2  The fear of a king is as the roaring of a lion: whoso provoketh him to anger sinneth against his own soul. 

Uncontrolled anger is itself ‘iniquity’, and ‘iniquity’ will cause us to reap what we sow:

Pro 22:8  He that soweth iniquity shall reap vanity: and the rod of his anger shall fail.

Pro 27:4  Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy?

We are all fools by birth and in need of a Savior to deliver us. That Savior loves us and “who [He] loves He chastens” for the purpose of delivering us from our own foolish tempers:

Pro22:15  Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. 

Ecc 7:9  Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools. 

Since we will all “live by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God”, it is comforting to read the New Testament commandments against all the “anger [which] rests in [our] bosoms [as the] fools” we all are by birth.

Eph 4:31  Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

Col 3:8  But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.

Conclusion

In Ephesians 5 we are told:

Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

The reason husbands are told “love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church” is because that is not what we do by nature.

The reason wives are told…:

 Eph 5:22  Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

…is because the curse placed upon Eve and her progeny is to be against their husbands:

Gen 3:16  Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to [Hebrew, against] thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

How sweet it is when a husband loves his wife and when a wife submits to her own husband. Never again does either mate accuse or belittle the person God gave him and her to love and nourish and build up in the eyes of others. Let us look for what is good and commendable in our spouse. Let’s make these words apply to our mate, and then let’s watch our marriages blossom and grow and bring forth much fruit both physically and spiritually:

Php 4:8  Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

I asked earlier “Why can we not see that when we lose our temper at our spouse, we are doing so at Christ Himself who gave us that spouse for the very purpose of giving us the lesson He is at that moment teaching us?”

The answer is that when we blame our spouse for his or her problems we are not yet given to acknowledge that God is the one lawgiver, and it was He who placed “the law of sin” in our own members and in the members of our spouse. When in God’s own time we are granted to acknowledge this truth and appreciate the blessing that He alone can bring out of that law of sin in our members, only then will it be possible for us to think only on “things are honest… things are just… things are pure… things are lovely… things are of good report… any virtue, and… any praise” as that admonition should first and foremost be applied to our spouse.

Let me read again what Christ did when He was reviled:

1Pe 2:23 Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:

Christ knew that whatever His Father was doing, He was doing “judg[ing] righteously”, and He “committed Himself to Him”. He did not contend with, reprove, or condemn His Father for the wickedness of those who hated Him, and neither did He contend with, reporove or condemn His Father for the weaknesses of His own disciples, His spouse.

Psa 30:5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favor is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Lord hasten the day when we are granted to place our spouse in the hands of our Lord, which is really nothing more than acknowledging that is where that spouse already is.

In our next study we will go into depth concerning a subject we have already mentioned in passing in several of these studies. We will be discussing how a couple should scripturally deal with in-laws, friends, old boy friends and old girl friends so as to never presume upon each other’s trust and for the purpose of setting a Godly example, which will be above reproach for our children and for those within and without the body of Christ.

Marriage in Scripture Series

What Are The Biblical Instructions For Finding A Wife?

Pro 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

Last week we saw that the purpose for the institution of marriage is to show us the “the invisible things of God, even His eternal power and God head” (Rom 1:20). We learned that “the head of every man is Christ; and that the head of the woman is the man, [demonstrating for us that] the head of Christ is God.”

1Co 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Christ never once did or said anything that was other than what His Head wanted:

Joh 8:28 Then said Jesus unto them, When ye have lifted up the Son of man, then shall ye know that I am he, and that I do nothing of myself; but as my Father hath taught me, I speak these things.

What this teaches us is that every time we say or do anything contrary to our Father, Christ’s Words, we are denying our Lord, who never did anything of Himself, but did everything He did “as His Father taught Him”.

Joh 12:26 If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will my Father honour.

Joh 14:21 He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.

We, too, are taught of our Father, and here is how our Father, Christ, teaches us:

Luk 10:16 He that heareth you heareth me; and he that despiseth you despiseth me; and he that despiseth me despiseth him that sent me.

Joh 20:21 Then said Jesus to them again, Peace be unto you: as my Father hath sent me, even so send I you.

1Co 12:28 And God hath set some in the church, first apostles, secondarily prophets, thirdly teachers, after that miracles, then gifts of healings, helps, governments, diversities of tongues.

In other words Christ uses His own body to teach His own body of called-out ones.

Eph 3:10 To the intent that now unto the principalities and powers in heavenly places might be known by the church the manifold wisdom of God, [Including the manifold wisdom of God as it concerns our marriages]

Eph 4:15 But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things [This would certainly include our marriages], which is the head, even Christ:
Eph 4:16 From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.

Under the guise of the separation of church and state, the Creator of the institution of marriage is barred from being a voice in the academic institutions of this world. The churches of Babylon, who purport to fill this desperate need and to be the spokesperson of our Creator, have failed so miserably at teaching the doctrines of God concerning how to have a happy and fruitful marriage that the divorce rate among church goers is the same as it is among non church goers.

Something is terribly wrong in the churches of Babylon, and what is wrong is that those who claim the name of Christ pay no attention to “the things [He] says concerning how to preserve and strengthen the institution of marriage.

In this series of studies we will be discussing seven of the major sources of stress that will afflict every marriage, if we do not seek the counsel of the Word of God concerning how we are to keep our marriages healthy and vibrant. The first in our list will be the subject of our study today.

Here are seven of the most common sources of stress in a marriage:

1) Not being equally yoked with a fellow believer in the true mind of Christ.
2) A jealous spirit.
3) Not being financially stable, or being financially undisciplined and being unable to provide for the needs of a wife and children.
4) Undisciplined children, and not being of one mind concerning how children are to be both disciplined and encouraged.
5) An uncontrolled temper, and blaming your mate for what God is attempting to teach you.
6) In-law and friend interferences in a marriage, which are allowed to come before your spouse.
7) Pure and unadulterated selfishness, that places one’s own desires and wishes above the good and the needs of your marriage.

There is a lot of overlapping in these seven categories, but these seven sources of stresses upon a marriage will serve to give us the opportunity to share with you much of what the scriptures teach us will make for a united, happy, and spiritually healthy and fruitful married life.

Here is what we are told is the single most important element which will keep us all spiritually healthy in every circumstance.

Exo 15:26 And said, If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the LORD thy God, and wilt do that which is right in his sight, and wilt give ear to his commandments, and keep all his statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the LORD that healeth thee.

Those words certainly apply to these seven stresses which God has sent upon so many marriages. So let’s diligently listen to the voice of the Lord, give ear to his commandment and keep his statutes and heal our marriages. Do not name the name of the Lord while ignoring His voice and stubbornly refusing to keep His statutes as they relate to His institution of marriage.

Isa 52:5 Now therefore, what have I here, saith the LORD, that my people is taken away for nought? they that rule over them make them to howl, saith the LORD; and my name continually every day is blasphemed.

Rom 2:23 Thou that makest thy boast of the law, through breaking the law dishonourest thou God?

Rom 2:24 For the name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles through you, as it is written.

These words are written about and to you and me. This is each of us. We have all been self-righteous harlots and whore mongers who have blasphemed the name of God while teaching lies and living the lies of the harlot, Babylonian system.

There is not such thing as “falling in love”

There is one such huge lie perpetrated upon us which most of us have believed at some time in our lives. It is the lie that you can, and should, “fall in love” with another person before you get married. According to this lie, this event is supposed to be completely out of your control, and it is considered to be the most important sign that you are marrying the right person. “Falling in love” is really nothing more than falling in lust, and many times we don’t even realize it while it is happening. We actually believe the lie that love is uncontrollable and this is what is supposed to happen.

We certainly need to be in love with our spouse, but it is never to be out of our control:

1Co 14:32 And the spirits of the prophets are subject to the prophets.
1Co 14:33 For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.

The Bible teaches us that godly love is something we are dragged to, through fiery trials, and that we certainly do not just naturally fall into loving our spiritual husband Christ.

1Co 2:14 But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.

Anything that is contrary to these words is not the true “love of God”:

1Jn 5:2 By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God, and keep his commandments.
1Jn 5:3 For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.

As we saw last week, no relationship on earth teaches us as much about the realm of the spirit, “even His eternal power and Godhead”, as does the marriage relationship. The institution of marriage teaches us what is the true “love of God”, and it certainly is not something we just naturally ‘fall’ into.

The story of Samson

Likewise nothing causes more confusion and spiritual destruction within us than our out-of-control emotions. We have just such an example of this truth in the story of Samson. Twice in the life of Samson we are shown what our uncontrolled emotions will produce within our lives and in our marriages. The first was his Philistine wife from Timnath, and the second was his experience with the harlot Delilah.

Just look at Samson’s out-of-control, impatient, rebellious words to his own parents, after “falling in love” with a Philistine woman:

Jdg 14:1 And Samson went down to Timnath, and saw a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines.
Jdg 14:2 And he came up, and told his father and his mother, and said, I have seen a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines: now therefore get her for me to wife.

Jdg 14:3 Then his father and his mother said unto him, Is there never a woman among the daughters of thy brethren, or among all my people, that thou goest to take a wife of the uncircumcised Philistines? And Samson said unto his father, Get her for me; for she pleaseth me well.

This story demonstrates, through Samson, that we are as blind as a bat when our emotions control us and when we look on outward appearances to the exclusion of the inward spiritual heart of our potential spouse. Samson’s words show no knowledge or care for what is the true “love of God”. Samson in both cases “fell in lust”, and like all of us at our own time, we think we can ‘fall in love’.

Here is the Lord Himself making this very point:

Joh 9:39 And Jesus said, For judgment I am come into this world, that they which see not might see; and that they which see might be made blind.
Joh 9:40 And some of the Pharisees which were with him heard these words, and said unto him, Are we blind also?
Joh 9:41 Jesus said unto them, If ye were blind, ye should have no sin: but now ye say, We see; therefore your sin remaineth.

Samson thought his physical eyes were quite reliable, and he demonstrated his disdain for obeying the commandments of God when, after his parent’s admonition, he still told his father, “Get her for me; for she pleaseth me well”. Samson and these Pharisees are types of who we are when we place our trust in our physical vision, to the exclusion of our Lord’s very clear admonitions concerning who we are to marry. Israel, a spiritual type of God’s called-out people, was commanded to marry only another Israelite, and they were specifically prohibited from marrying anyone who was of another way of thinking.

Lev 20:23 And ye shall not walk in the manners of the nation, which I cast out before you: for they committed all these things, and therefore I abhorred them.

Deu 6:14 Ye shall not go after other gods, of the gods of the people which are round about you;

Deu 7:1 When the LORD thy God shall bring thee into the land whither thou goest to possess it, and hath cast out many nations before thee, the Hittites, and the Girgashites, and the Amorites, and the Canaanites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, seven nations greater and mightier than thou;
Deu 7:2 And when the LORD thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them:
Deu 7:3 Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son.

Deu 7:4 For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.
Deu 7:5 But thus shall ye deal with them; ye shall destroy their altars, and break down their images, and cut down their groves, and burn their graven images with fire.

“Seven nations greater and mightier than you”, is telling us that we, by our own eye sight and our own strength, cannot make right and godly decisions. What that means is that if we do wait for a godly wife or a godly husband it will be a miraculous work of God within us, destroying our faith in our own eyes and ears, which just naturally submit to the “seven nations greater and mightier than [we are]”. Those seven nations are all the things of this world, including unconverted wives, which please our physical eyes, and whose words please our carnal ears, and who appeal to our beastly desires to fit into this world.

We cannot marry the daughter of Pharaoh and 999 other pagan wives, “for they will turn [us] away from following [our proper spouse, Christ]”

2Co 11:2 For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.

Samson got his Philistine wife, and just as the Lord promised, she was indeed nothing more than a snare to Samson. In the end she died with her family at the hands of her own people, in revenge for what Samson had done to those Philistines who forced his wife to give them the answer to his riddle. God was working it all, but He did so through Samson’s double-minded heart, which had him attempting to maintain his integrity when he had no integrity to maintain because he had turned his back on his God and the commandments of his own God. Just like King Solomon many years later, the women in Samson’s life and the 1,000 pagan wives in the life of King Solomon, were a snare to them both. Physical women then and today typify the false doctrines of Babylon which will tell us that we need not “diligently listen to the voice of the Lord [our] God”.

Exo 15:26 And said, If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the LORD thy God, and wilt do that which is right in his sight, and wilt give ear to his commandments, and keep all his statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the LORD that healeth thee.

But typifying our natural old man, Samson had no interest in “listening diligently to the voice of the Lord”. The next time Samson “fell in love” it was with a Philistine harlot, named Delilah, and we all know how this story ended. It led to Samson’s death, as the symbolic death of our rebellious old man. It was only when he was forced to acknowledge his blindness and to die to his old man that he was finally given to deliver his people from the people who were in the land of God’s people without the benefit of true circumcision.

Jdg 16:30 And Samson said, Let me die with the Philistines. And he bowed himself with all his might; and the house fell upon the lords, and upon all the people that were therein. So the dead which he slew at his death were more than they which he slew in his life.

King David and Bathsheba

The story of Samson gives us two examples of what happens to us when we believe the lie that the only way to know we have the right mate is to “fall in love” with that person. We also have another example of what happens when we “fall in love”, and that is the story of King David and Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah, one of the captains in King David’s army. In every Biblical story, ‘falling in love’ produced nothing but the works of the flesh, and was, in every case, the exact opposite of “listen[ing] diligently to the voice of the Lord”. In every case “the voice of the Lord” was completely ignored by those who “fell in love”, and the voice of the spiritual father of the beast, the voice of “the tempter… that old serpent the devil and Satan” (Rev 12:9), was the only one whose voice was heard and obeyed.

2Sa 11:1 And it came to pass, after the year was expired, at the time when kings go forth to battle, that David sent Joab, and his servants with him, and all Israel; and they destroyed the children of Ammon, and besieged Rabbah. But David tarried still at Jerusalem.
2Sa 11:2 And it came to pass in an eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed, and walked upon the roof of the king’s house: and from the roof he saw a woman washing herself; and the woman was very beautiful to look upon.
2Sa 11:3 And David sent and enquired after the woman. And one said, Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?
2Sa 11:4 And David sent messengers, and took her; and she came in unto him, and he lay with her; for she was purified from her uncleanness: and she returned unto her house.
2Sa 11:5 And the woman conceived, and sent and told David, and said, I am with child.

King David “lay with [another man’s wife]” simply because he “fell in love with her”. He was supposed to “go forth to battle”, but he sent others to do that for him, and in type he took a break from “diligently listening to the voice of the Lord”. When we “diligently listen to the voice of the Lord, and keep his commandments” we are doing spiritual battle. King David let down his guard, and took a break from doing spiritual battle and returned to trusting in his own physical vision, and paid a terrible and humiliating price for doing so, all for us and for our admonition:

1Co 10:11 Now all these things happened unto them for ensamples: and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the world are come.

2Co 4:15 For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God.

The function of patience in seeking a godly wife

If we are to guard against allowing the physical vision of our flesh to lead us, and we are to avoid the widely accepted lie of “falling in love”, how then are we to go about “finding a wife”?

The answer to that question is demonstrated for us in the stories of how, Adam, Isaac and Boaz found their wives. These men are types of us after we have “fallen seven times” and are finally given godly fear, the strength of Christ and godly patience.

When it comes to getting married, these verses cannot be overemphasized:

Luk 21:19 In your patience possess ye your souls.

Psa 27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

So let’s look at what is revealed in the stories about how these men were given their wives. As we do let us take note of how the godly fear, the spiritual strength, and the godly patience of these men contrast with the stories of Samson twice “falling in love”, and the story of King David “falling in love” with Bathsheba, the wife of another man.

Adam

We will begin at the beginning with Adam, and let’s “diligently listen” to how Adam found his wife:

Gen 2:20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
Gen 2:21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
Gen 2:22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
Gen 2:23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

I can already hear the argument “Well, of course Adam waited. He had to wait. After all there wasn’t a woman on earth until the Lord put Adam to sleep, took out of him a rib, made a woman of that rib, and brought her to Adam.” When we think like that, we are missing every spiritual lesson to be learned in the story of how God gave to us the institution of marriage. The lesson in this story is that we are to wait until the Lord brings to us the wife He has made for us.

Psa 25:3 Yea, let none that wait on thee be ashamed: let them be ashamed which transgress without cause.

Psa 27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

“Wait, I say, on the Lord” and He will bring to you the wife He has for you. Get impatient and “fall in love”, which is generally nothing more than falling in lust with the person that “pleases [you]”, and “let them be ashamed which transgress…”

Isaac

Gen 24:2 And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh:
Gen 24:3 And I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell:
Gen 24:4 But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.

Gen 25:20 And Isaac was forty years old when he took Rebekah to wife, the daughter of Bethuel the Syrian of Padanaram, the sister to Laban the Syrian.

Isaac waited until he was forty years old, and then his father sent to the house of what he referred to as “my country, and to my kindred”, and Isaac’s father, Abraham secured a wife for his son from there. While Abraham’s kindred certainly were just as idolatrous as the Canaanites among whom Abraham dwelt, “my country, and… my kindred” in this story symbolizes the unity of a true believer to another true believer, as these verses make clear.

Amo 3:3 Can two walk together, except they be agreed?

1Co 6:15 Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid.
1Co 6:16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.
1Co 6:17 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.

2Co 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

These words simply cannot be received by our rebellious, lust-filled, impatient and carnal old man, because the Biblical answer is that like Adam, Isaac and Boaz, and like Christ Himself, these men all waited for the Lord to bring to them a wife.

There is no doubt there were many idol worshiping pagans in Paul’s day, but the word for an idolater is ‘eidololatres’ as in this verse:

1Co 6:9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters [Greek – eidololatres], nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

The Greek word translated as “unbelievers” here in 2Co 6:14 is ‘apistos’, and it means ‘without faith’, meaning without faith in the same Christ that Paul believed in, as opposed to faith in “another Jesus”.

2Co 11:3 But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtilty, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity [Greek, singleness] that is in Christ.
2Co 11:4 For if he that cometh preacheth another Jesus, whom we have not preached, or if ye receive another spirit, which ye have not received, or another gospel, which ye have not accepted, ye might well bear with him.

2Co 11:13 For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into the apostles of Christ.
2Co 11:14 And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light.
2Co 11:15 Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also be transformed as the ministers of righteousness; whose end shall be according to their works.

These are the “unbelievers” Paul refers to in:

2Co 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

“Their works” are works of darkness, even though they “be transformed as the ministers of righteousness”.

“Be not unequally yoked with unbelievers” is very clear language when we are able to put that verse in 2nd Corinthians 6 together with what we are admonished in 1Co 6:15: “shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid.” The “harlot” to whom Paul is referring is the backslid wife of Christ:

Isa 1:21 How is the faithful city [Jerusalem, those who claim to be God’s people] become an harlot! it was full of judgment; righteousness lodged in it; but now murderers.

Paul continues to explain why Christ’s true followers who are not yet married need to take heed to this admonition: “What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh. But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.”

Many think that the word “unbelievers” in “be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers”, refers to non-Christians, and does not include Christians who are still living in the lies of the daughters of Babylon. Babylon is the mother of harlots, and while Babylon certainly includes non-Christians, that harlot system does not exclude the apostatized Christian churches. We are commanded to “come out of her” (Rev 18:4). We are not to marry into her as King Solomon did in type.

2Co 6:17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you,
2Co 6:18 And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.

Rev 18:4 And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues.

Here is this all-important admonition again:

1Co 7:39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.

The very definition of being “in the Lord” is to seek only the Lord’s will in all we do:

Mat 6:10 Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.

Mat 26:42 He went away again the second time, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done.

1Jn 5:14 And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us:

It may outwardly appear that there is no one in sight for a young called-out one to marry, but to allow that belief to lead you to think that God is incapable of bringing you a spouse, and that He needs you to help Him find you a mate, is a mistake that will bring shame on all who are not given to “wait upon the Lord”. When we try to take matters into our own hands, we are acting just like Samson and King David and we will bring shame upon ourselves, and we will blaspheme the name of our God when we ignore His commandments.

Again, these words also apply to all who are seeking a godly spouse:

Psa 25:3 Yea, let none that wait on thee be ashamed: let them be ashamed which transgress without cause.

Psa 27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

The scriptures very clearly prohibit believers from marrying unbelievers, and it is only in our patience that we will possess our souls when we are seeking a godly spouse. Patience works through faith, and faith is a gift which we are either given or we are not given. Our flesh brings absolutely nothing to Christ’s table. But through the faith of Christ we “can do all things” and conquer every enemy, within and without. We are all “His workmanship [and] we are “created unto good works, which God has before ordained that we should walk in [those good works]”:

Eph 2:8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
Eph 2:9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.
Eph 2:10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

Boaz

Here is the introduction to the story of Ruth and Boaz:

Rth 1:1 Now it came to pass in the days when the judges ruled, that there was a famine in the land. And a certain man of Bethlehemjudah went to sojourn in the country of Moab, he, and his wife, and his two sons.
Rth 1:2 And the name of the man was Elimelech, and the name of his wife Naomi, and the name of his two sons Mahlon and Chilion, Ephrathites of Bethlehemjudah. And they came into the country of Moab, and continued there.
Rth 1:3 And Elimelech Naomi’s husband died; and she was left, and her two sons.
Rth 1:4 And they took them wives of the women of Moab; the name of the one was Orpah, and the name of the other Ruth: and they dwelled there about ten years.
Rth 1:5 And Mahlon and Chilion died also both of them; and the woman was left of her two sons and her husband.

The story of Ruth and Boaz is very instructive for us. We do not have the time to go into this story in detail, but what we see is that God had this marriage written in His book before either Ruth or Boaz were born. It was God who made Naomi and her husband go into Moab. It was God who caused Naomi’s two sons to marry two Moabite women. It was God who took the lives of Naomi’s husband and her two sons, leaving her with no one in Moab but her two daughters-in-law, and it was God who caused Ruth to cleave to her mother-in-law and refuse to stay in the land of Moab. It was God who brought them back to Bethlehem, and who gave Ruth favor in the the eyes of Boaz, and it was God who gave Ruth to Boaz for his wife. This was all written in God’s book before any of these people involved were ever born, and it was all done so Boaz and Ruth could conceive a son who they named Obed, who was the Father of Jesse, who was the father of King David.

Ruth was a Moabite woman of whom Israel was told not to take their daughters for their sons, yet it was God who placed Ruth in the genealogy of Christ “after the flesh”. What we can learn from this story and from the story of Samson is that God is working all things after the counsel of His own will, and if a brother or a sister is already married to an unbeliever, then that too, is of God. God prohibits us from doing so when we are given to know in advance and accept His word which makes this prohibition so clear.

Jas 4:17 Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.

This is what we are to know when praying for God’s will to be done if we are seeking to find a wife and to find favor of God:

1Co 7:39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.

There are billions of people who think they are “in the Lord”, but the fact is that there are very few who have been chosen to truly give up all this world to be “only in the Lord”.

Mat 24:4 And Jesus answered and said unto them, Take heed that no man deceive you.
Mat 24:5 For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many.

Conclusion

So what have we been instructed about how to find a wife?

1) The first thing we learned is that God teaches us “the manifold wisdom of God”, and how to strengthen our marriages and how to grown in the spirit “by the church”, and that His body of called-out believers speak in His behalf:

Luk 10:16 He that heareth you heareth me; and he that despiseth you despiseth me; and he that despiseth me despiseth him that sent me.

Eph 3:10 To the intent that now unto the principalities and powers in heavenly places might be known by the church the manifold wisdom of God,

2) We have learned that there is no such thing as “falling in love”, and that the truth is that we are dragged to love our mate through the trials of marriage, which teach us that we do not live to ourselves, nor do we die to ourselves.

Joh 6:44 No man can come to me [Love our husband, Christ], except the Father which hath sent me draw [Greek – helko, meaning ‘drag’] him: and I will raise him up at the last day.

3) We have learned that not everyone who says they are “in the Lord” is really in the Lord.

Mat 22:11 And when the king came in to see the guests, he saw there a man which had not on a wedding garment:
Mat 22:12 And he saith unto him, Friend, how camest thou in hither not having a wedding garment? And he was speechless.
Mat 22:13 Then said the king to the servants, Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness; there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
Mat 22:14 For many are called, but few are chosen.

4) We saw through the examples of Adam, Issac, and Boaz, that God has all of our wives “written in his book” before they or we are ever born into this world, and in His time He brings our wives to us.

Gen 2:22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

Psa 139:16 Thine eyes did see mine unformed substance; And in thy book they were all written, Even the days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was none of them.

We saw through the examples of these three men that it is in our patience that we possess both our souls and our marriages:

Psa 27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

Luk 21:19 In your patience possess ye your souls.

5) For that very reason we have seen the verses of scripture which forbid believers from marrying unbelievers who are not of the same mind:

Amo 3:3 Can two walk together, except they be agreed?

1Co 6:15 Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid.
1Co 6:16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.
1Co 6:17 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.

2Co 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers [Christians of the harlot church system]: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

6) We have learned that an “unbeliever” includes a professing Christian who is still in this world and is not of the same “one mind” in Christ.

2Co 11:4 For if someone comes and proclaims another Jesus than the one we proclaimed, or if you receive a different spirit from the one you received, or if you accept a different gospel from the one you accepted, you put up with it readily enough.

2Co 13:11 Finally, brethren, farewell. Be perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be with you.

Php 1:27 Only let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ: that whether I come and see you, or else be absent, I may hear of your affairs, that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel;

Php 2:2 Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.

1Pe 3:8 Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:

7) We have seen in the examples of Samson and King David, that outward beauty alone provokes nothing more than the lust of our flesh, leading us to disobedience and causing us to turn our knowledge of His sovereignty and His grace into a self-righteous, lascivious and permissive spirit, which will be burned out of us all either in this age or in the age to come.

Jud 1:4 For there are certain men crept in unawares, who were before of old ordained to this condemnation, ungodly men, turning the grace of our God into lasciviousness, and denying the only Lord God, and our Lord Jesus Christ.

We saw through the examples of Samson and King David, that when we “turn the grace of God into a self-righteous and lascivious, and permissive spirit, we are “denying the only Lord Jesus Christ, and we are blaspheming the name of God:

Rom 2:24 For the name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles through you, as it is written.

8) Finally we also learned that those who marry an unbeliever before they come to know that marriage is “only in the Lord” are never to put away their spouse because that union is also a work of the same God who is working all things after the counsel of His own will for our good.

1Co 7:12 But to the rest [couples where one spouse is not a believer] speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
1Co 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
1Co 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
1Co 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

Next week, if the Lord wills, we will see the devastation that a spirit of jealousy can needlessly wreak upon a marriage which could and would otherwise be a very happy union.

“Marriage” in scripture

What Is the Purpose For The Institution of Marriage? – Part 1

What Are The Biblical Instructions For Finding A Wife? – Part 2

And The Spirit of Jealousy Come Upon Him, and He Be Jealous of His Wife – Part 3

If Any Provide Not For His Own – Part 4

Bring Up Your Children – (Part One) – Part 5

Bring Up Your Children – (Part Two) – Part 6

You Shall Not Follow A Multitude To Do Evil – Part 7

Flee Fornication… – Marriage in Scripture – Part 8

Anger rests in the bosom of fools – Marriage in Scripture – Part 9

Marriage in Scripture – Part 10: Him Only Shall You Serve

Marriage in Scripture – Part 11: Not My Will But Thine Be Done

Marriage in Scripture – Part 12: What Do The Scriptures Say About Family Planning?

“Marriage in Scripture” Series

What Is the Purpose For The Institution of Marriage?

This is the first study of what will be a series of studies on marriage – its purpose, selecting a mate, problems faced in marriage, etc. We will be asking and answering with the scriptures, many questions you may have had, and maybe many questions you have never had, but should have asked before you ever got married. We will first establish with the scriptures the purpose for the institution of marriage. Then we will be discussing the stresses upon the marriage union, and what the Creator of this institution of marriage has given us to keep our marriages strong and unified in the one mind of Him who created and instituted the marriage union.

So what is the purpose for the institution of marriage? Why do we need marriage? Is there a spiritual lesson for us in this institution? Why did God give Adam a woman instead of another man? Why are women called “the weaker vessel”?

1Pe 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Here is the history of how the Lord gave us the institution of marriage. Let’s read this story and see what lessons we can learn from what we are told:

Gen 2:20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
Gen 2:21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
Gen 2:22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
Gen 2:23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

There is a huge spiritual revelation in this true story of how the Lord gave us the institution of marriage, and the scriptures reveal that this union has many very edifying spiritual revelations for us.

After giving us many wonderful admonitions that will, if obeyed, keep our marriages healthy, Paul tells us this:

Eph 5:32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

In 1 Corinthians 2 Paul also tells us this:

1Co 2:13 Which things also we speak, not in the words which man’s wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual.
1Co 2:14 But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.

When Paul tells us in Ephesians 5 that the institution of marriage, when “comparing spiritual things with spiritual” is actually speaking “concerning Christ and the church”, then we know that our physical marriages are really just a type and shadow of “Christ and the church”.

Accepting that as the Truth, let’s look the institution of marriage “comparing spiritual things with spiritual, and see what we can learn. Let’s ask ourselves what is the spiritual meaning of “she was taken out of the man.” What is the spiritual meaning of “sleep”? What is the spiritual meaning of “flesh… and bone”? And what is the spiritual meaning of “they shall be one flesh”?

The spiritual meaning of “she was taken out of the man”

The spiritual lesson behind this statement is of utmost significance. Without knowing what this statement means we cannot “know God and Jesus Christ who He has sent”. And if we do not “know God and Jesus Christ” we do not have life eternal.

Joh 17:3 And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.

Knowing just how important a matter this is Christ Himself reveals to us the meaning of this statement. This is what that part of the history of the institution of marriage is teaching us:

Joh 16:27 For the Father himself loveth you, because ye have loved me, and have believed that I came out from God.

Joh 17:8 For I have given unto them the words which thou gavest me; and they have received them, and have known surely that I came out from thee, and they have believed that thou didst send me.

This is not speaking of Christ as the firstborn from the dead, as Babylon teaches us. This certainly includes that meaning, but it is specifically teaching us that God the Father created Christ and in that sense Christ came out from His Head, for the specific purpose of creating the physical universe and for the specific purpose of creating all men of all time, and becoming the savior of all men.

Here are two places in scripture where this is plainly stated for all who have eyes to see and ears to hear:

Col 1:15 Who is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of every creature:
Col 1:16 For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him:

The word ‘for’ in verse 16 is translated from the Greek word ‘hoti’ and it means ‘because’. Christ was “the firstborn of every creature BECAUSE by him were all things created that are in heaven and that are in earth…”

Then we also have this verse of scripture:

Rev 3:14 And unto the angel of the church of the Laodiceans write; These things saith the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the beginning of the creation of God;

That is the spiritual meaning of “she was taken out of the man”.

The spiritual meaning of ‘sleep’

To understand the spiritual meaning of ‘sleep’, we need to go to the New Testament story of the death of Christ’s good friend, Lazarus, the brother of Mary and Martha. When Christ was told of the sickness of Lazarus, He waited until Lazarus had been dead four days before he got there to pray for Lazarus. Lazarus had already died, and after his death Christ told his disciples:

Joh 11:11 These things said he: and after that he saith unto them, Our friend Lazarus sleepeth; but I go, that I may awake him out of sleep.
Joh 11:12 Then said his disciples, Lord, if he sleep, he shall do well.
Joh 11:13 Howbeit Jesus spake of his death: but they thought that he had spoken of taking of rest in sleep.
Joh 11:14 Then said Jesus unto them plainly, Lazarus is dead.

So being in “a deep sleep”, as Adam was when God took a rib from him to make him a wife, is a symbol of being dead. If we are given the understanding that the first Adam is a type of the last Adam, then we will know that the first Adam had to, “in a figure”, die before he could be given a wife who would, just like the last Adam, be given a wife who also must come “out of [himself]:

Rom 5:14 Nevertheless death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over them that had not sinned after the similitude of Adam’s transgression, who is the figure of him that was to come.

If we are so blessed, spiritually we are the espoused “chaste virgin”, who is the bride of our husband, Christ:

2Co 11:2 For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.

How was this accomplished? It was accomplished only as Adam’s “deep sleep” typified, “through death”:

Col 1:22 In the body of his flesh through death, to present you holy and unblameable and unreproveable in his sight:

Heb 2:14 Forasmuch then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, he also himself likewise took part of the same; that through death he might destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil;

The Spiritual Meaning of “Brought Her Unto the Man”

We were told that Christ brought Adam’s wife to him:

Gen 2:22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

Who then gave Christ His wife?

Joh 17:6 I have manifested thy name unto the men which thou gavest me out of the world: thine they were, and thou gavest them me; and they have kept thy word.

Joh 17:12 While I was with them in the world, I kept them in thy name: those that thou gavest me I have kept, and none of them is lost, but the son of perdition; that the scripture might be fulfilled.

The type carries through to the point that the first Adam, and Christ, the last Adam, both willingly died for their respective errant, sinful wives:

1Ti 2:14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman [as the type of Christ’s called out ones] being deceived was in the transgression.

Joh 10:17 Therefore doth my Father love me, because I lay down my life, that I might take it again.

Joh 10:18 No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. This commandment have I received of my Father.

Very few know or understand just how integral Christ’s espoused wife is to His own purpose. Very few understand just how integral she is to His death, His resurrection, and His own inheritance.

Look at this verse:

Rom 4:25 Who was delivered for our offences, and was raised again for our justification.

The word ‘for’, which appears twice in this verse, should actually read “through”, because it is both times, translated from the Greek word ‘dia’, which means ‘through’ and from which we get our English word ‘diameter’, which is the distance ‘through’ a circle to the other side. What this verse reveals is that Christ was delivered up to be crucified ‘through’ our offenses, and was raised from the dead ‘through’ our justification. That is just how integral His own wife is to His inheritance. She is given to him “through death”, and this is all typified by God causing a symbolic “deep sleep” to fall upon Adam, and taking a rib from him and making of that rib a wife which He then brings to Adam. That is the spiritual significance of the word ‘sleep’ in the story of the institution of marriage.

The spiritual meaning of “flesh and bone”

Let’s notice carefully what we are being told about Eve’s origins:

Gen 2:23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

Eve coming “out of Adam”, for those with eyes to see, reveals that Christ Himself is the one out of whom Adam came. Christ is the Word who said “Let us make man in our image…”, and that is exactly from whence we are told Adam came:

Col 1:16 For by him [Christ] were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him:

The scriptures teach that when God creates another, a second for that which He created first, under those circumstances, that which is first, becomes the stronger, and becomes the head of that which was created for the first and preeminent creation.

Here are the scriptures which make this spiritual lesson so clear:

1Co 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Christ was created before the man, Adam was created before the woman, and the Father is He “of whom are all things” (1Co 8:6). This is the lesson of the institution of marriage. “Through death, “a deep sleep”, the wife of the first Adam came out of Adam, just as the wife of the last Adam “through death”, comes out of Christ” to be “bone of [His] bones, and flesh of [His] flesh”. All of this is done for the purpose of showing us that a married couple are to be “one flesh”, spiritually typifying the one spiritual mind of the one body of Christ and His bride.

Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

While the earthy type is created in a “marred… made to be destroyed” condition and composition, the spiritual anti-type is being made to be of an “immortal” condition and composition, “a spiritual body”. The first Adam is of this earth, earthy. Nevertheless he is a figure of the last man Adam:

Ecc 3:18 I said in mine heart concerning the estate of the sons of men, that God might manifest them, and that they might see that they themselves are beasts.

Jer 18:4 And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it.

Rom 5:14 Nevertheless death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over them that had not sinned after the similitude of Adam’s transgression, who is the figure [Greek, tupos, type] of him that was to come.

Rom 8:20 For the creature was made [‘”marred… in the Potter’s hand”] subject to vanity, not willingly, but by reason of him who hath subjected the same in hope,

1Co 15:44 It is sown a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body. There is a natural body, and there is a spiritual body.
1Co 15:45 And so it is written, The first man Adam was made a living soul; the last Adam was made a quickening spirit.
1Co 15:46 Howbeit that was not first which is spiritual, but that which is natural; and afterward that which is spiritual.
1Co 15:47 The first man is of the earth, earthy: the second man is the Lord from heaven.
1Co 15:48 As is the earthy, such are they also that are earthy: and as is the heavenly, such are they also that are heavenly.
1Co 15:49 And as we have borne the image of the earthy, we shall also bear the image of the heavenly.

Why Did God give Adam a woman instead of another man?

Why are women called “the weaker vessel”?

“Adam called his wife’s name Eve because she was the mother of all living.”

Gen 3:20 And Adam called his wife’s name Eve; because she was the mother of all living.

Here is the meaning of the Hebrew word ‘Eve’ the name Adam gave his wife.

H2332
חוּה

chavvâh
khav-vaw’
Causative from H2331; lifegiver; Chavvah (or Eve), the first woman: – Eve.

The wife was made for the husband for the purpose of giving life to others by her husband. Witness the billions and billions who have come “through the woman”.

As unpopular as it is to just read it out of the Bible, the apostle Paul, under the inspiration of the holy spirit, tells us that this headship of God over Christ, and Christ being the head of the man, and the man being the head of the woman, is all ordained to be symbolized by a man having short hair and thereby having an “uncovered… head”. The very same symbol of submission to God’s ways is also symbolized by a woman having her head covered by her long hair:

1Co 11:4 Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonoureth his head [Christ].
1Co 11:5 But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head [her husband]: for that is even all one as if she were shaven.
1Co 11:6 For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered.
1Co 11:7 For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.

And what is the point being made by the holy spirit?

1Co 11:8 For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. [and Christ for His Head]
1Co 11:9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. [As the man was created for Christ]
1Co 11:10 For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels [the messengers of Christ].

1Co 11:11 Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.
1Co 11:12 For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God.

1Co 11:13 Judge in yourselves: is it comely that a woman pray unto God uncovered?

So exactly what does “uncovered” mean?:

1Co 11:14 Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?
1Co 11:15 But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering.

1Co 11:16 But if any man seem to be contentious, we have no such custom [of long haired men and short haired women], neither the churches of God.

Just like outward adultery and outward fornication demonstrate our infidelity to the spiritual laws of God, so does a man having long hair, and a woman having short hair, demonstrate that we are not very worried about our Lord’s spiritual commandments.

Please do not think that we should begin measuring the hair of our brothers and start setting limits on exactly what is to be considered as long hair, and what is to be considered as short hair. We do not want to think above what is written, but we do want to be faithful to what is written, and let the holy spirit do its own convicting work within each man and woman.

What all of this reveals is that this is the exact same submissive, fruitful function that Christ fulfills for His head, His God the Father:

Let’s put these two sections of scripture together and see if we can see what the institution of marriage reveals to us:

1Co 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Col 1:15 Who [Christ, whose “head… is God”] is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of every creature:

Why must Christ be “the firstborn of every creature”? Here is why:

Col 1:16 For [Greek, ‘hoti’, because] by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him:
Col 1:17 And he is before all things, and by him all things consist.
Col 1:18 And he is the head of the body, the church: who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead; that in all things he might have the preeminence.
Col 1:19 For it pleased the Father that in him should all fulness dwell;

Nowhere in the New Testament is there any mention of anyone in “the Godhead” other than Christ and His Head, “the Father of whom are all things” (1Co 8:6). It is the lesson we are taught by the institution of marriage which delivers us from the yoke of the false doctrine of a trinitarian Godhead. We are told that the invisible things are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even the Godhead:

Rom 1:20 For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:

We are not left to speculate which “things that are made” make the “Godhead” to be clearly seen. We are told throughout the New Testament that “the head of Christ is God”, and we are told that “the Father” Himself is the “one God”, and that besides that “one God, the Father of whom are all things, [there is also] one Lord Jesus Christ by whom [like Eve, “the mother of all living”] are all things.” There is no mention of “third person” in the Godhead.

1Co 8:6 But to us there is but one God, the Father, of whom are all things, and we in him; and one Lord Jesus Christ, by whom are all things, and we by him.

1Co 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Just a few verses later we are made to know just how integral Christ is to His Head and just how integral Christ’s wife is to Him:

1Co 11:12 For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God.

“The man is by the woman” tells us that Christ is a woman to His head, His “one God, the Father, of whom are all things…” (1Co 8:6). “The man” came by Christ, as Col 1:16 make so clear:

Col 1:16 For [Greek, ‘hoti’, because] by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him:

There certainly is not room in the institution for a third “coequal” head, and it is the institution of marriage which teaches us that “the head of Christ is God”.

Just as a marred creature, such as these Adamic vessels of clay, is a very accurate “figure” of “the last man Adam”, so too, is the physical institution of marriage an accurate type of the relationship between Christ and His Creator and His head, His “one God the Father. The institution of marriage also teaches us that we are the weaker vessel, the called-out bride of our husband and our head and our Creator, Christ. But the institution of marriage also reveals to us that Christ is “the weaker vessel”, in His relationship with His head and His Creator the “one God, the Father, of whom are all things”, including Christ, by whom the Father has chosen to give life to all men.

Conclusion

The institution of marriage shows us “clearly” what is the Godhead (Rom 1:20). It shows us that the Father was, is and always will be the head of Christ (1Co 11:3). It shows us that Christ is “subject unto the Father” (1Co 15:28), just as the church is “subject unto Christ in all things” (Eph 522-24). These are spiritual lessons which the institution of marriage impart to us. This is why God gave Adam a wife instead of another man. This wife, He tells us, came “out of the man”. It is through the institution of marriage that we are taught that the wife is “the weaker vessel” (1Pe 3:7), by whom “all living” came into this world (1Co 11:12). It is the institution of marriage between male and female which shows us we are to ‘bear fruit’ (Gen 1:28). It is the institution of marriage which the scriptures use to demonstrate for us that Christ’s relationship to His Father is as “the weaker vessel” (Joh 14:28), His “life giver” (Col 1:16) who, in the end will be “subject to Him who put all things under Him” (1Co 15:28).

1Co 15:28 And when all things shall be subdued unto him, then shall the Son also himself be subject unto him that put all things under him, that God [“the Father of whom are all things”] may be all in all.

There is nothing about the institution of marriage which so much as hints at Christ being “co-substantial, coequal, and co-eternal” with His Father. There is nothing about the institution of marriage which even hints at a trinitarian Godhead. Instead what we are clearly told many years after Christ had returned to His Father, is that “the head of Christ is [still] God” (1Co 11:3), that “it pleased the Father that in Him should all the fulness of the Godhead dwell”, and that the Father is “but one God, of whom are all things, [and besides this “one God of whom are all things” there is also] one Lord Jesus Christ, by whom [like Eve] are all things”. What we are told that Christ, the anti-type of the first Adam, “is the first born of every creature, For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him:” We are even told in very clear language, which confirms the witness and lessons of the institution of marriage, that “the holy spirit” is “the holy spirit of God [the] one God, of whom are all things”:

Eph 4:30 And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.

Then finally we are told is that Christ will subject every man who has ever lived, along with every creature and every power in heaven and in earth to Himself, and that He will then, “be subject unto [His]… Head” just as “wives [are to be] subject unto their husbands in all things”.

All of this demonstrates scripturally how the institution of marriage helps us to ‘clearly see the invisible things of the Godhead’ (Rom 1:20). All of these scriptures demonstrate how the institution of marriage teaches us that all men come through Christ who is “the weaker vessel” in His relationship to His Head, His Father. All these scriptural witnesses teach us that Christ is also His Father’s Eve, His Father’s “life giver” and that through Christ, our “life-giver”, the very definition of the name ‘Eve,’ we will all “in [our] own order” be imparted an “immortal… spiritual body”.

Through the institution of marriage we learn that while we are the sons of Christ, we are at the same time also His bride, and He is our husband. In the same way, the institution of marriage teaches us that “the things that are made” (Rom 1:20), teach us that while Christ is the son of God and He too, is at the same time, the Father’s “life giver”, the Father’s ‘Eve’, the Father’s wife. “The head of Christ is God” (1Co 11:3).

Also ref: http://iswasandwillbe.com/The_Head_Of_Christ_Is_God.php