Marriage, Part 5 - Where Your Treasure Is, There Will Your Heart Be Also - Discussion

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Marriage, Part 5 - Where Your Treasure Is, There Will Your Heart Be Also

We closed our last study with a review of what we have learned are pitfalls to the health of our marriages. Today we will, Lord willing, end this series on marriage with the scriptural admonition which will make right and eliminate all those deterrents to a healthy, happy and growing marriage relationship. That admonition is to place greatest value of anyone on earth upon our spouse. If we are granted to value our wives and husbands above all others in this age, then we will have the Godly order in our heavens and upon our earth. Having that Godly order in our hearts and minds will reflect our love of God who tells us to forsake all others to please our Lord, the spiritual husband of all of us, both husbands and wives. When we place our spouse above all others on this earth we are demonstrating to the world that we are putting Christ first in our lives:

Eph 5:25  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

Christ loved His wife as He loved Himself. In doing so, He demonstrates for us how we are to love our own spouse:

Eph 5:28  So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
Eph 5:29  For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

Before we look into how we are to value our spouse, let's just briefly review what the scriptures reveal to be the pitfalls into which we all fall which preclude a happy and healthy and growing marriage relationship.

1) Our own personal pride is our greatest obstacle to restoring and strengthening our marriage. Here are just some of the evil fruits of pride which destroy many marriages:

Psa 10:4  The wicked, through the pride of his countenance, will not seek after God: God is not in all his thoughts.

Pro 11:2  When pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly is wisdom.

Pro 13:10  Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom.

Pro 14:3  In the mouth of the foolish is a rod of pride: but the lips of the wise shall preserve them.

Pro 16:18  Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.

Pro 29:23  A man's pride shall bring him low: but honour shall uphold the humble in spirit.

Contentions in marriages come "only by pride".

2) Our marriages are being destroyed "for lack of knowledge".

Hos 4:6  My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children.

The Lord is giving us the knowledge of how to restore our marriages, and in doing so, how to restore our relationship with Him. Do not let pride keep you from being restored to both your physical and your spiritual husband.

3) Carnal Husbands tend to be treacherous, while carnal wives tend to be 'against their husbands'. God has used "the wife of our covenant" to demonstrate to us that we have little faith in His leadership, we have perverted priorities, and the wife of our covenant has been proven to be less important to us than our own personal pride and less important to us than our children. Our pride is our worst enemy in this whole world, and our children are to be a distant second in a Godly priority "to the wife of our covenant".

Gen 3:16  To the woman he said, I will greatly increase your labor pains; with pain you will give birth to children. You will want to control your husband, but he will dominate you.

Mal 2:14  Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.

Eph 5:25  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

4) We husbands cannot change our wives whom the Lord is using to change us. We know that it is God who is making our wives do what they do, and we know that it is He who is trying us with the antics He gives our wives for that very purpose. The same is true for the wives.

Isa 63:17  O LORD, why hast thou made us [including wives and husbands] to err from thy ways, and hardened our heart from thy fear? Return for thy servants' sake, the tribes of thine inheritance.

5) Knowing it is the Lord who makes our spouse to err from His ways, we still blame our spouse for their problems when we know that they are nothing more than a tool of our Lord. When we do that, we are not reproving our wives. We are really "reproving... contending with... and condemning" God Himself, and we are doing so in the presence of our families, friends and this world (Job 40:1-8).

6) We now know that when our actions demonstrate that we think we can make our wives submit to us, we are not 'dwelling with them according to knowledge', and we are blaspheming the name of God among the heathen by proclaiming God as sovereign, while at the same time condemning Him for giving us a trial such as our wives are to us. Wives, the same is true for the trials God gives you through your husbands, who are also nothing more than a tool in the Lord's hand.

Rom 10:2  For I bear them record that they have a zeal of God, but not according to knowledge.

1Pe 3:7  Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Rom 2:24  For the name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles through you, as it is written.
Rom 2:25  For circumcision verily profiteth, if thou keep the law [of Christ]: but if thou be a breaker of the law, thy circumcision is made uncircumcision.

Tit 2:3  The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
Tit 2:4  That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
Tit 2:5  To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

7) We know that we of ourselves cannot change ourselves any more than we can change our spouse. But there is a solution, and we must humble ourselves and cry out for help and for mercy to that, the only solution:

Rom 7:23  But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
Rom 7:24  O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
Rom 7:25  I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.

Php 4:12  I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.
Php 4:13  I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

8) And finally, we have learned in these studies that perfection comes to us "by little and little... [and only after] a long time":

Exo 23:30  By little and little I will drive them out from before thee, until thou be increased, and inherit the land.

Deu 7:22  And the LORD thy God will put out those nations before thee by little and little: thou mayest not consume them at once, lest the beasts of the field increase upon thee.

Mat 25:19  After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them.

Luk 20:9  Then began he to speak to the people this parable; A certain man planted a vineyard, and let it forth to husbandmen, and went into a far country for a long time.

We all know that any trial takes time to endure, and every trial is only a 'trial' because it requires us to wait upon the Lord. It is through such patience that we must arrive at the perfection we are all seeking and to which our marriages serve to bring us:

Psa 37:9  For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth.

Isa 8:17  And I will wait upon the LORD, that hideth his face from the house of Jacob, and I will look for him.

Isa 40:31  But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

The Lord "makes us to err from His ways" so He can "hide His face from [us]", then He can try our faith and teach us patience:

Jas 1:2  My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;
Jas 1:3  Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
Jas 1:4  But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.
Jas 1:5  If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

These are some of the principles we are caused to violate, and in doing so we are working against a healthy, happy and blessed marriage. However, we are told that if we ask for the wisdom we need to deal with these pitfalls that 'God gives wisdom to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.'

Today we have asked the Lord for wisdom, and He has given us a principle which, if it is applied in our marriages, will  prevent anything from destroying our marriages and will repair the effects of all these pitfalls and restore the happiness of our marriages.

I told you last week that the Word of God is likened in scripture to money. Many sociologists and marriage counselors will tell you that one of the most common sources of stress in a marriage stems from disagreements about how couples handle their money. Our spiritual husband tells us how He rewards us when we handle His resources faithfully, but He also tells us how He deals with us when we deal with His resources foolishly. The parable of the talents is where the Lord's words, His doctrines, are likened to money. This parable is actually telling us that the Lord has invested Himself in us. It also reveals how we first mishandle the resources which the Lord has invested in us.

Remembering the fact that each of us "live by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God" (Mat 4:4), let's be careful not to put the words about the wicked and slothful servant in this parable off on 'that person over there', because the Truth is that we are all first made to be the wicked and slothful servant before we are made to become the servant who makes his five talents into ten.

Think of what you have invested in your own marriage as  you read the parable of the talents:

Mat 25:14  For the kingdom of heaven is as a man travelling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods.
Mat 25:15  And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey.
Mat 25:16  Then he that had received the five talents went and traded with the same, and made them other five talents.
Mat 25:17  And likewise he that had received two, he also gained other two.
Mat 25:18  But he that had received one went and digged in the earth, and hid his lord's money.
Mat 25:19  After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them.
Mat 25:20  And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more.
Mat 25:21  His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.
Mat 25:22  He also that had received two talents came and said, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents: behold, I have gained two other talents beside them.
Mat 25:23  His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.
Mat 25:24  Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strawed:
Mat 25:25  And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine.
Mat 25:26  His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed:
Mat 25:27  Thou oughtest therefore to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usury.
Mat 25:28  Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents.
Mat 25:29  For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath.
Mat 25:30  And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

The Lord's money, "My money" He calls it, are His Words, His doctrines. Our Lord is the Word (Joh 1:1). Therefore His words are who He is. "They are spirit and they are life" (Joh 6:63).

Let's all remind ourselves that it is we who must "live by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God" (Mat 4:4). We must not think of ourselves simply as the servant who was given five talents and who increased his five into ten talents. We all know that we are all first the wicked and slothful servant who accuses His Lord of reaping where He had not sown. Then we become the man who was given two talents, and finally we become the man who was given five talents.

Notice that when we accuse our Lord, our spouse, of investing nothing in us, the Lord will answer us "according to the idols of our own heart":

Eze 14:1  Then came certain of the elders of Israel unto me, and sat before me.
Eze 14:2  And the word of the LORD came unto me, saying,
Eze 14:3  Son of man, these men have set up their idols in their heart, and put the stumblingblock of their iniquity before their face: should I be enquired of at all by them?
Eze 14:4  Therefore speak unto them, and say unto them, Thus saith the Lord GOD; Every man of the house of Israel that setteth up his idols in his heart, and putteth the stumblingblock of his iniquity before his face, and cometh to the prophet; I the LORD will answer him that cometh according to the multitude of his idols;

That is exactly what the Lord does to this "wicked and slothful servant". The Lord did not bother to point out to this ingrate that he had just handed back the talent He had invested in that servant. Instead, He answered this deceived man "according to the multitude of the idols of his heart", and that is what He does with us when we accuse Him of giving us a worthless or harmful spouse. It is a fearful thing to "contend with, reprove, and condemn" our own Creator (Job 40:1-8).

What nerve we have to give the Lord back the talent He has invested in us while accusing Him of "reaping where [He] had not sown"! That is exactly what we are doing when we refuse our spouse whom He gave us. We are, in effect, accusing Him of reaping where He has not sown. He has given us the exact spouse we need, and for that we had better be very grateful.

For the sake of our discussion today, I want us all to apply the investment principle of this parable of the talents to our marriages, physical and spiritual, and let's ask ourselves if we are investing ourselves in our spouse or are we more invested in our friends, our children or other family members? Where is our "treasure", because that is where our hearts really are. Is our love really invested in the spouse of our covenant, or do our actions suggest that we love others or our job more? Have we invested our trust in our spouse, or do we feel that we cannot trust him or her? Where do we spend our precious time? Is it with our spouse, or is it with someone else? Who is the most valuable person in this world to you?

Here now is the verse from which I have taken the title of our discussion today. This verse is a very revealing statement which appears twice, word for word, in the gospels of Matthew and Luke. Just knowing and acknowledging the Truth of this statement will help us to examine ourselves and to see and know who really is the most valuable person in this world to us:

Mat 6:21  For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Luk 12:34  For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Our hearts are where our treasure is. Who do you treasure? Where are your thoughts during your day? With whom are you investing your time and your life? The context of Mat 6:21 is "the kingdom of God", but we all know "the kingdom of God is within [us]" by virtue of having "Christ in [us], the hope of glory" (Mat 6:33; Luk 17: 20-21; Col 1:27). Therefore the subject is really Christ, who is our spiritual husband. It is Christ who is to be our "treasure". He is our "pearl of great price" for whom we sell all we possess to acquire Him:

Mat 13:45  Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls:
Mat 13:46  Who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it.

Christ's Father, who  is also His Head, His Husband, sent Him into this world to secure this "kingdom of heaven... within [us]" (Joh 3:17). To that end Christ, in the very next verses of Matthew 6, tells us just how critical it is that He is number one in our lives:

Mat 6:22  The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.
Mat 6:23  But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!
Mat 6:24  No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

If our eye is single, the whole body shall be full of light, but if it is not 'single', it is equated with being "evil". If there is anywhere this principle of being 'single minded' applies, it is within a marriage relationship. Our spouse is meant to be our single most important concern in this physical realm because we must have but one master, one husband, whom we are to love and trust as Christ loves the church:

Eph 5:25  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

Eph 5:32  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
Eph 5:33  Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

We are to love our spouse "even as Christ also loved the church". So when did Christ love the church? Where were we when He "gave Himself" for [us]? Did He love us because we first loved Him? Does Christ love us because we are a good wife? No, quite the contrary:

Eph 2:1  And you hath he quickened, who were dead in trespasses and sins;
Eph 2:2  Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience:
Eph 2:3  Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others.
Eph 2:4  But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us,
Eph 2:5  Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;)

There it is! That is "even as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it... even while we were dead in sins." That is how we are to love our spouse!

For our own good, Christ goes on to admonish us:

Mat 6:25  Because of this [because our heart is where our treasure is] I say to you, be not anxious about your life, what ye may eat, or what ye may drink, nor yet for your body, what ye may wear. Is not the life [Christ, our husband] more than the food, and the body than the clothing?
Mat 6:26  Look to the birds of the sky, because they sow not, nor do they reap, nor gather into barns, and your heavenly Father feeds them. Are ye not more valuable then they?
Mat 6:27  And which man of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his life span?
Mat 6:28  And why are ye anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow. They toil not, nor do they spin,
Mat 6:29  yet I say to you, that not even Solomon in all his glory was arrayed like one of these.
Mat 6:30  And if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is cast into an oven, will he not much more you, O ye of little faith?
Mat 6:31  Be not therefore anxious, saying, What may we eat? or, What may we drink? or, What may we wear?
Mat 6:32  For the Gentiles seek after all these things, for your heavenly Father knows that ye need all these things.
Mat 6:33  But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Mat 6:34  Be not therefore anxious for the morrow, for the morrow will be anxious about things of itself. Sufficient for the day is the evil of it. (ACV)

Christ is not saying that we are not to think of food, clothing and shelter. The opposite is true, because He promises us:

Mat 6:30  And if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is cast into an oven, will he not much more you, O ye of little faith?

Our Lord's message to us in all of this is that if we have our spiritual house in His order, then He is going to provide for our needs, both physical and spiritual. Remember we are told:

Eph 5:25  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

Eph 5:28  So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

Those who know the voice of the True Shepherd will know that "He that loves His wife loves himself" actually means 'He that loves his wife loves Christ', because that is exactly what the following verses tell us:

Eph 5:29  For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
Eph 5:30  For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
Eph 5:31  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
Eph 5:32  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

What we have just been told is that when we refuse the wife of our covenant or the husband of our covenant, we are refusing Christ. In other words, if our spouse is not the most important physical person in our lives, then we are demonstrating that Christ is not the most important person in our lives.

We all need affection, and Christ is very affectionate toward us and ministers to our every need every day. Be affectionate toward your spouse. Never leave the house without an affectionate kiss, and when you come back home repeat that process. If you do, you will find that you want to come home and be together. It is a demonstrable scientific fact that affectionate hugging lowers one's blood pressure, and there are no negative side effects.

Christ says all of this in these few words:

Luk 14:25  And there went great multitudes with him: and he turned, and said unto them,
Luk 14:26  If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.

Here is Matthew's version of those words:

Mat 10:37  He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

Based on what we have learned about the real meaning of marriage, let's replace the word "me", meaning Christ as our spiritual husband, with the words 'his spouse' and see what these words can tell us about how we are to order our home:

Mat 10:37  He that loveth father or mother more than [his spouse] is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than [his spouse] is not worthy of me.

The only thing that is to come between us and our physical spouse is Christ. But what this verse is telling us is that if any physical person or thing comes between us and our spouse, of whom we are told, "I speak concerning Christ and the church", then we "cannot be [Christ's] disciple".

Christ is our "talents". He is our "money", our "treasure", and as such He is the one whose "money", His words and doctrines, tell us that the value we place upon our spouse is a direct reflection of the value we place upon our Lord and His kingdom.

If we are equipped with His mind, then we will have His order in our home, and nothing will come between Him and us. Having His mind means we value and treasure the things He values and treasures, and that insures that our spouse is our most treasured possession in this world, and that nothing will come between us and the wife or husband of our covenant.

Ephesians 5 has made it perfectly clear that marriage is really a type of Christ and the church:

Eph 5:29  For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
Eph 5:30  For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. [As the woman was of the man (1Co 11:12)]
Eph 5:31  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
Eph 5:32  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
Eph 5:33  Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

It was with this knowledge of and faith in the Word of God that Paul could make this statement:

Rom 8:35  Who shall separate us from the love of Christ [typified by our spouse]? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
Rom 8:36  As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
Rom 8:37  Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
Rom 8:38  For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
Rom 8:39  Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

That is our study for today. It is my prayer that we all value our spiritual and physical spouse as Christ values His bride, and that we give ourselves for our spouse as Christ gives Himself for His spouse, the church.