Church With An Unbelieving Husband

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Hi V____,

Thank you for your question. Sounds like you have more than just a “small problem.” Your situation would have to be an agonizing one, and you are not alone. I receive many letters from women (and men) who are in your exact situation. Of course you realize that I do not know how you and your husband interact with each other. I would hope that you are not trying to force him to see what God has blinded his eyes from seeing. I hope that you are “ready always to give [ your husband] an answer [ when your husband] asks you are reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear.”

1Pe 3:15 But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and [ be] ready always to [ give] an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:

That word ‘ask’ is our cue to know when we are to open our mouths to witness for Christ and at the same time be careful not to cast our pearls before swine:

Mat 7:6 Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.

I tell every one who asks me about this part of their walk, that the only reason to be in Babylon is to be “scourged …[ and] cast out of their synagogues.” If you were never in their synagogue, then you could not be scourged or cast out:

Mat 10:17 But beware of men: for they will deliver you up to the councils, and they will scourge you in their synagogues;
Joh 9:34 They answered and said unto him [ the man healed of blindness from birth], Thou wast altogether born in sins, and dost thou teach us? And they cast him out.

Christians were casting Christians out of churches before the apostles had all died:

3Jn 1:9 I wrote unto the church: but Diotrephes, who loveth to have the preeminence among them, receiveth us not.
3Jn 1:10 Wherefore, if I come, I will remember his deeds which he doeth, prating against us with malicious words: and not content therewith, neither doth he himself receive the brethren, and forbiddeth them that would, and casteth them out of the church.

So don’t be surprised if when you witness to them, you are asked to be quiet. I personally endured this three times before, in my ignorance, I realized that I could change no one. But being asked to be quiet is the same as casting you out. If you have been a witness to the truth in God’s Word and you have been rejected, you have been ‘cast out of their synagogue.’
If you have been cast out, then you have been cast out and there is nothing which I or Sandi or your husband can do to change that. When any one is cast out of the synagogue, it is really the working of the Lord. How your husband receives this fact is also the working of the Lord. Just see to it that if ever there is a “departing” that it is “the unbelieving [ who does the] departing.”

1Co 7:15 (a) But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart…

As I have so often pointed out, God hates separating. But as much as He hates separating He hates infidelity even more:

Mal 2:14 Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.
Mal 2:15 And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.
Mal 2:16 For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.

We can deceive ourselves and perhaps others, but we will not deceive God. He knows our hearts. So have a pure heart in all you do. Do all you do with pure motives, Valerie. Then let the chips fall where they may.
I hope this is of some value to you. I am praying that God will give you the wisdom just to endure this trial. He is working this in your life. All you have to do is to show a pure heart in your desire to say “Not my will but Thy will be done.”


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