The Husband is The Head of The Wife

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The Husband is The Head of The Wife

[Study Aired and Posted June 15, 2020]

This study is addressed to believing wives to whom the word of God is supreme. As I said in yesterday’s address to believing husbands, it is critical that a Godly couple “be of the same mind”. Nevertheless, the Lord has given some people among us unbelieving mates, and it is critical that those who have unbelieving mates know it is not their place to change that mate, and this is why:

Joh 6:41  The Jews then murmured at him, because he said, I am the bread which came down from heaven.
Joh 6:42  And they said, Is not this Jesus, the son of Joseph, whose father and mother we know? how is it then that he saith, I came down from heaven?
Joh 6:43  Jesus therefore answered and said unto them, Murmur not among yourselves.
Joh 6:44  No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw [G1670: helkuo, to drag] him: and I will raise him up at the last day.

John 6:44 applies to our believing mates as much as it applies to the unbelieving spouse. It is not our place to change each other even if we claim to be “of the same mind”. It is the spirit, and the spirit alone, which will change, mature and make new the old man within all of us. You, as a wife, are not able and are not given the commission of growing your husband into the Christ you envision him to become. These words are addressed specifically to women within the body of Christ who are married to unbelievers, but these words apply to your relationship with your believing husband also:

1Pe 3:1  Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
1Pe 3:2  While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
1Pe 3:3  Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
1Pe 3:4  But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
1Pe 3:5  For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:

Being a wife myself I am well aware of how my own flesh despises the words “wives be in subjection to your own husband”. You might say, “Mike, you are a man with a wife. How can you know anything about what it is like to be a wife?” Here is how I know all about what it is like to be a wife:

2Co 11:2  For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.

That verse is addressed to the whole church at Corinth, both the men and the women. It is every bit as hard on the flesh of a man to be obedient to and subject to Christ as it is for a woman to be subject to her husband. Being a proper head and a Godly leader is just as demanding as being an obedient wife who is subject to her husband.

A Godly husband sets an example for his wife. He does not say one thing and then turn around and act contrary to what he tells his wife he believes. What that means is that he does not attempt to remake his wife into what he wants her to be. When he attempts to do that, he is denying that Christ is working all things after the counsel of His own will, and when you as a wife begin listening to a spirit which is telling you that because your husband is not being obedient to Christ therefore you are justified in ignoring your husband then you, too, are being disobedient to Christ.

Ephesians 5:25 does not say, “Husbands love your wives if they are obedient to Christ.” What it does say is:

Eph 5:25  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

As part of “His body, which is the church” (Col 1:24), I can tell you without any hesitation that Christ has been supernaturally patient and kind to me as I shed crocodile tears over the ways I mistreated the wife of my youth for literally years. It was not deliberate. It was not blatant rebellion, but it was weakness, and it was the natural rebellion of the carnal mind of the wild beast which is within all of us.

This brings us to what wives just naturally are while attempting to “be subject to [their] husbands, as unto Christ”. Why do such words even need to be written down or uttered? This is why the Lord commands “wives [to] be subject to their husbands as unto the Lord”:

Gen 3:16  Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to [H413: el] thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

“In sorrow shall you bring forth children” is indeed a curse. “Your desire shall be to your husband” almost sounds, in modern English, like a blessing, telling Eve that she will just naturally desire to please her husband. However, a proper translation of the Hebrew word ‘el’, translated as ‘to’ here in Genesis 3:16 changes the meaning completely.

Let’s go to the next chapter to see how this Hebrew word ‘el’ here in Gen 3:16 should be translated:

Gen 4:8  And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against [H413: el, against] Abel his brother, and slew him.

So, Eve’s, and every wife’s, desire is just naturally to be “against” being obedient to their husband’s headship and leadership, as is the carnal mind in every man. This is the lot of every wife, and this is the default lot of every man:

Rom 8:7  Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be.
Rom 8:8  So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.

“The carnal mind…cannot please God”, and since we are all just naturally carnally minded, it requires a supernatural miracle to please God, and to fight against and overcome our rebellious carnal mind. The point being made in today’s study is that the Lord has cursed all wives with the carnal desire to please themselves and to be against their husbands… “Your desire shall be against your husband”. Notice closely the similarity between what the Lord says of Cain’s fate and what He says of Eve’s ultimate fate. It is very good news for all of mankind:

Gen 3:16  Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall [ultimately] rule over thee.

Gen 4:6  And the LORD said unto Cain, Why art thou wroth? and why is thy countenance fallen?
Gen 4:7  If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt [ultimately] rule over him.

These words are spirit, and they are life to everyone who has ever lived, and here they are right here at the beginning of the Bible. This is not a promise that every wife will be subject to her husband in this age, but it is a promise that Christ will be the head of His church, His body, His bride, and it is a promise that every wife will ultimately be ruled by her husband… “He shall rule over you”.  It is not a promise that everyone will rule over sin in this age, but it is a promise that everyone will ultimately be given dominion over sin in their lives… “You shall rule over him [sin]”.

The fact is that the promise of these words will not be realized by the masses of mankind in this age. The Lord ordained “before the world began” (2Ti 1:9) that He would bring all of mankind to Himself through two judgments. The first is at this moment upon “the house of God” within His elect who are being judged at this very moment:

2Ti 1:9  Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began,

1Pe 4:17  For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God?

“Judgment must… first… begin at the house of God”. “The house of God” is “His body which is the church” which is “espoused to one husband”. It must first begin “at us”. Christ tells us that if we are given to submit to Christ as our husband in “this present time” (Rom 8:18), that fiery judgment is now upon us. It will be few indeed that will be subject to their husbands in this age. There will not be one married woman in the first resurrection who was not given in this age to overcome her rebellious carnal mind which just naturally pits her “against [her] husband” and has not submitted herself to her husband in every way possible without disobeying the words of our Lord.

“Your desire shall be against your husband” tells you, as a wife, that you will by default, as a vessel of clay which is “marred in the Potter’s hand”, strive to be the head, to take the lead, to make the call instead of being patient with where the Lord has your husband and encouraging him to be the head and to take the lead and to make the call that has to be made.

As we saw in yesterday’s study, two cannot spiritually walk together if they do not agree.

Amo 3:3  Can two walk together, except they be agreed?

No couple can have two heads, or two leaders. It is not possible as a couple or as a family to go to the right and to the left at the same time. No normal healthy body has two heads. Every healthy body has a single head, and if properly nourished in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, that one head will have a very submissive healthy body under that spiritually healthy head. If you as a wife simply will not submit to your husband, then you are in effect attempting to be his head. If your husband has a backbone and refuses to be led by his wife, then the fruit of a stubborn and rebellious spirit is all that can come of such a tormented relationship. That fruit will be either daily torment or the death of your marriage relationship or both. Do not continue, as a physical wife, claiming to know and obey Christ while refusing to submit to your husband in any way which does not require you to disobey the Lord’s commandments. When you do so you are actually blaspheming His name:

Tit 2:3  The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
Tit 2:4  That they [“the aged women] may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
Tit 2:5  To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

When you as a wife, claiming to be a  part of the very body of Christ, the church, the household of God, the pillar and ground of The Truth… refuse to submit to your husband, you are blaspheming the Word of God, and the name of God is blasphemed through you:

Rom 2:21  Thou therefore which teachest another, teachest thou not thyself? thou that preachest a man should not steal, dost thou steal?
Rom 2:22  Thou that sayest a man should not commit adultery, dost thou commit adultery? thou that abhorrest idols, dost thou commit sacrilege?
Rom 2:23  Thou that makest thy boast of the law, through breaking the law dishonourest thou God?
Rom 2:24  For the name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles through you, as it is written.

Nothing blasphemes the Word of God or His name more than hypocrisy. You say you believe God is working all things after the counsel of His own will:

Eph 1:11  In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will:

You say that you believe the Lord when He tells you:

Rom 8:28  And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Indeed, the Lord cannot lie, and all things really do work together for good to them that love Him, but the love of God is obedience to God. The love of God is not hollow words:

1Jn 5:2  By this we know that we love the children of God [your husband], when we love God, and keep his commandments.
1Jn 5:3  For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.

You say you believe it is God who is doing all of this for your good, but when your husband pushes your buttons that all goes out the window, and you find yourself stubbing up “against your husband”. You simply cannot help it because you don’t really believe or appreciate what the Lord is doing at all. What you really believe is that your husband is an evil man who must be resisted at all cost, and in so thinking and acting, you are “blaspheming” the Word of God, and you are blaspheming the name of God.

What to do??? There is only one thing you as a Godly wife must do:

1Pe 5:6  Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:
1Pe 5:7  Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

You are not commissioned to change your husband. You are commissioned and commanded to “humble yourself…” Your husband is nowhere near as formidable an enemy to you as the wild beast you see in the mirror every day. Submit to your husband. In so doing you are submitting to Christ, and “a meek and quiet spirit” is of great value to Him:

1Pe 3:1  Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
1Pe 3:2  While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
1Pe 3:3  Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
1Pe 3:4  But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptibleeven the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
1Pe 3:5  For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
1Pe 3:6  Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

Or as the NET bible version has it:

1Pe 3:6  like Sarah who obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. You become her children when you do what is good and have no fear in doing so.

The feminazis have had so much influence on our society that most women are literally fearful of saying things like… ‘I’m a stay-at-home mother’ or ‘My husband is the head of our home’. Don’t any of you daughters of Christ ever be afraid of acknowledging that you fear God and keep His commandments. To do so is nothing less than denying Him.

Now ask yourselves honestly, do you look upon your husband as your ‘lord’?

I looked up the Greek for the word ‘Lord’ in verse 6, and this is what I found:

This is the same word in these verses:

Joh 13:13 Ye call me Master and Lord [G2962]: and ye say well; for so I am.
Joh 13:14  If I then, your Lord [G2962] and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet.

The book of Revelation ends with these words:

Rev 22:21  The grace of our Lord [G2962: kurios] Jesus Christ be with you all, Amen.

Also, when the name ‘Yahweh’ is translated into the Greek in the New Testament, it is translated as G2962, ‘kurios’.

Psa 110:1  A Psalm of David. The LORD [H3068: Yahweh] said unto my Lord, [H113: adon], Sit thou at my right hand, until I make thine enemies thy footstool.

Mar 12:36  For David himself said by the Holy Ghost, The LORD [G2962: kurios] said to my Lord [G1962: kurios], Sit thou on my right hand, till I make thine enemies thy footstool.

Why would the holy spirit call Christ, ‘Kurios’, and why would the holy spirit inspire both Hebrew words, ‘Yahweh’ and ‘adon’, to be translated with the single Greek word ‘kurios’? The answer is that Christ is the ‘Yahweh’ of the Old Testament, and that is the same word used to tell you wives how you should honor your husband.

Eph 5:22  Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord [G2962, Kurios].
Eph 5:23  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Eph 5:24  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

As I pointed out when speaking to the husbands, “You cannot change your wife. You must be patient with her as the Lord has been patient and has tolerated your rebellious ways for so long.” The same is true for you wives. You cannot change your husband and make him the patient, loving, merciful leader you want Him to be. However, you can obey the Lord and submit to your husband, and notice what the Lord says:

1Pe 3:1  Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
1Pe 3:2  While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
1Pe 3:3  Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
1Pe 3:4  But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
1Pe 3:5  For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:

Notice the words, “without the word”. What the holy spirit is telling you wives is that it is not your place to attempt to change your husband by preaching to him verbally. All your preaching to your husband is to be the same as the preaching of the church to this lost world which shows no sign or hint of being dragged to Christ. You are to be a light to your husband. We are all called “the light of the world”. We are not called ‘the bull horn of the world’.

Mat 5:14  Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.

The word ‘conversation’ in 1 Peter 3:1 is an old English word for your way of life. Here is this section of scripture in the CEV:

1Pe 3:1  If you are a wife, you must put your husband first. Even if he opposes our message, you will win him over by what you do. No one else will have to say anything to him,
1Pe 3:2  because he will see how you honor God and live a pure life.
1Pe 3:3  Don’t depend on things like fancy hairdos or gold jewelry or expensive clothes to make you look beautiful.
1Pe 3:4  Be beautiful in your heart by being gentle and quiet. This kind of beauty will last, and God considers it very special. (CEV)

What hope is there for a marriage where both of you are so stubborn that neither of you fear the Lord enough to do what He says to do? Christ is insulted and blasphemed when we are that stubborn.

Luk 6:46  Why do you keep on saying that I am your Lord, when you refuse to do what I say? (CEV)

This chapter begins with the Greek word, G3668, ‘homoios’, and this is what that word means:

As I told the men, the only solution to an unhappy and dysfunctional marriage is to “be of one mind… the same mind… the mind of Christ”.

Now let’s read just a little further here in 1 Peter 3:

This word is an adverb meaning “similarly, likewise, so. Then what is similar to the subject of this chapter is the subject of the previous chapter which deals with how servants are to serve their masters:

1Pe 2:18  Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward.
1Pe 2:19  For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.
1Pe 2:20  For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.
1Pe 2:21  For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:
1Pe 2:22  Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:
1Pe 2:23  Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:
1Pe 2:24  Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.
1Pe 2:25  For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls.

That is the ‘wherefore’ of verse one of chapter three. “Even hereunto [we are] called…”. Christ does not just talk. “[He set] us an example, that we should follow His steps.” We are called to be subject to evil rulers, to be subject to froward bosses, and for you wives, to be subject to angry and disobedient husbands while setting them a Christ-like example.

If you say, “I just cannot do it” then I will certainly agree. It is more than is humanly possible to obey a husband who says he believes in the sovereignty of God, while he holds you responsible for your weaknesses and faults and is talking down to you and talking down about you to others. That is the very definition of treachery. Do not let yourself as a wife ever be guilty of being treacherous to your husband. Neither can I do such things as He requires of me. I simply cannot, of myself, be obedient to Christ’s words which command me to “resist not evil”.

Mat 5:38  Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth:
Mat 5:39  But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.

Fortunately, nothing depends upon us. Our books have already been written, and what the Lord has written is what is happening around us every day. One thing we do know is written in the book of every man who has ever lived is that we will all be brought, by the Lord Himself, to our wits’ end;

Psa 107:25  For [the Lord] commandeth, and raiseth the stormy wind, which lifteth up the waves thereof.
Psa 107:26  They mount up to the heaven, they go down again to the depths: their soul is melted because of trouble.
Psa 107:27  They reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man, and are at their wits’ end.

Your trials with your husband are not your husband’s doings. He is the workmanship of the Lord, good or evil:

Eph 2:10  For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

The Lord has not given any of us to see what He has written in our books, and He tells us it is so:

Jas 4:14  Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.
Jas 4:15  For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that.

Since you don’t know what the Lord has in store for yourself or your husband, the Lord tells you to cry out to Him to deliver you and your husband from the wild beast and from the dragon who gives the wild beast his throne and his power. In spite of the fact that you, as a wife, simply cannot of yourself overcome the beast within, the Lord has faithfully provided a way of escape that you might be able to bear this trial.

As I pointed out to all of the husbands who have wives in the last study, this is also your own only way of escape:

Php 4:13  I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Now let’s get a little of “the sum of [the Lord’s] word” (Psa 119:160) together on this subject. When Christ tells us to “turn… the other… cheek” He is not telling us to just stand there and get beat up if we can flee. The exact opposite is true:

Mat 10:23  But when they persecute you in this city, flee ye into another: for verily I say unto you, Ye shall not have gone over the cities of Israel, till the Son of man be come.

You wives are not required to endure physical abuse day in and day out. But “as much as lies within you” be patient with your husband if he is not physically abusing you. Wash him with the word of God if he will let you do so [Eph 5:26]. Above all be obedient to the Lord, and be a quiet light before your husband. Seek to “be of the same… one mind… the mind of Christ” with your husband. As you are given to do so “quietly, gently” encourage your husband to lead his family both spiritually and physically. Do not ever talk down to your husband, and never talk negatively about him to strangers. Always be solicitous of the man whom the Lord has made your head in this present time. Whether he ever overcomes the beast of pride in this age is not yours to decide. Whether you ever overcome that same beast of pride in this life is not his to decide. It is one thing to seek counsel with both of you present seeking to find out how to better your marriage relationship. That is as commendable as the Corinthians seeking Paul’s counsel. However, it is an entirely different spirit which will have you to speak evil of your husband behind his back:

Tit 3:1  Put them in mind to be subject to principalities and powers, to obey magistrates, to be ready to every good work,
Tit 3:2  To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men.
Tit 3:3  For we ourselves also were sometimes foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving divers lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful, and hating one another.
Tit 3:4  But after that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared,[within you!]

I can tell you from personal experience, it is a lot more fulfilling and rewarding to look for the good in your wife and “to think on [those] things”, than it is to stew over her rebellious ways. There can be no doubt that it will work the same for you wives. Seek the counsel of the older women in our fellowship who have lived through everything I have mentioned, ‘yet they [remained] the companion of their husbands and the wife of their husband’s youth’ (Mal 2:14), and as hard as that may have been at times, the Lord blessed and is blessing all who have been faithful to His Words and have endured the hardships which that obedience promises us with the rewards that come along with those hardships.

Pro 31:10  Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
Pro 31:11  The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
Pro 31:12  She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

There is always so much more which can be said to both our husbands and to our wives, but it is my hope that all these scriptures will inspire you wives to seek to be what you just naturally do not want to be, and to submit yourselves to your husbands as unto the Lord… that you will from this moment forward speak only good things about your husband to others, will encourage him to take the lead in your marriage and that you will willingly accept Him as the head of your home and as your head.

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