What Am I To Do?
D____ wrote:Hi D____,
Hi Mike,
My relationship with our HEAVENLY FATHER is up and down. I feel like a hypocrite when it comes to the Bible. I know HIS truths, but I seem to avoid them day-to-day. I remember when I first entered mainstream Christianity... it felt as if our relationship was so close I could run to HIM with any problem I had. Now, it seems I'd rather do it on my own. I know I can't do it on my own but am stubborn about the idea of running or begging our HEAVENLY FATHER for forgiveness of my sinful nature on a daily basis. What do I do? My hypocrisy is inexcusable! How much longer will HE forgive me? I wrestle with the idea that one day that our FATHER will save us all. Where is the point in that? Mike, I am wrestling against my own flesh. I just put it in the back of my mind everyday and try to forget about the fight that is leaving me bruised and scarred.
I want to endure until the end but am growing weary of this spirit and flesh battle. Most days it feels like a dry desert. Occasionally I might feel a rain drop or two. I feel my time may be running out but one day comes by, a week, and a month, then a year is gone. I use to have much faith in my teen years. Where has it all gone? Most days I can't even feel HIS presence around me. I know that our FATHER knows our hearts, if so, why does it seem HE is so far away? I want HIM in my life all the time everyday sharing our lives together. Lately I have had no motivation to pray or ask for forgiveness. I feel the door is shutting but am to lazy to stop it from shutting. I want HIM to come in... but am hiding under the covers. Thank you, Mike for our FATHER using you to put this site up. May HE bless you and keep you and your family safe and secure.
Love ,
D____
Thank you for taking the time to let me know how frustrated you are with your own flesh.
You ask:
"What do I do? My hypocrisy is inexcusable!"
Believe me, I know exactly what you are talking about. I struggled with constantly letting myself down until I was in my early 50's before the Lord crushed me to powder and humbled me to the extent that I became serious about serving Him. Oh yes, I was serious about wanting to serve Him many years before that, but I was just as you are. I could not get control of my own flesh. So the Lord, in His love for me, stripped me of all my pride. He actually caused me to lose my home and everything for which I had worked for so many years. While that experience was the worst financial experience of my life, it was the best spiritual experience of my life. What that demonstrates is that there is no spiritual life without some degree of dying to the things of this world.
Left to my own devices, I would never have chosen to lose my home and to be so humiliated. But that was what he had planned for me from "before the world began."
2 Tim 1:9 Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began,
Tit 1:2 In hope of eternal life, which God, that cannot lie, promised before the world began;
You might be tempted to say, 'Sure, God's "purpose and grace... was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began," but that doesn't mean that God knew and intended for me to fail and continue in sin for so many years; it doesn't mean that every day that I fail him was preordained.' You might indeed say that, but you would be wrong. Not only did He preordain every day, He even wrote the events of every day in a "book."
Psa 139:16 Thine eyes did see mine unformed substance; And in thy book they were all written, Even the days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was none of them .
Christ had a very good reason for telling us, "In your patience possess ye your souls." He knew that we had to be humbled and come to see our own helplessness against our own sinful flesh. He knew that it would take many years for us to come to the point that we would be willing to forsake our flesh for the things of the spirit. So He tells us up front that He has given us an experience of evil, the experience of sin in our lives for years on end, to humble us and to bring us to our knees, daily importuning Him to "lead us not into temptation."
Ecc 1:13 I applied my heart to inquiring and exploring by wisdom concerning all that is done under the heavens: it is an experience of evil Elohim has given to the sons of humanity to humble them by it.
God has not started a work in you to forsake you. Just like me, you will be shown just how helpless you are against your own flesh. You will then cry out to God, and in the end He will give you dominion over sin in your life.
Rom 6:14 For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace.You have God's promise that He is working all things for good, so stay patient and endure to the end.
Mat 10:22 And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved.
Rom 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
Don't give up. It really is in your patience that you possess your soul.
You also have God's Word that if He has begun a good work in you, He will finish that work: Luk 21:19 In your patience possess ye your souls.
Php 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:
That is an incredible promise, and God does not lie. I will close with one more verse I want you to repeat to yourself all day every day as you continue your struggles:
Php 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
I hope I have said something which will encourage you to never give up, to ever be vigilant and to give thanks for all you have been given.
Your brother in Christ, Php 4:6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
Mike
